


To Jump or Not

by joyboo



Category: The Doctor Blake Mysteries
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Hidden Feelings, Hidden Relationship, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-21 05:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17637119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyboo/pseuds/joyboo
Summary: Charlie never dreamed to hope. If only it hadn’t taken him being shot for their feelings to be out in the open.





	1. Chapter 1

They’d responded to a call regarding a domestic dispute. No one knew a gun was involved until Charlie saw a glint out of the corner of his eye. Looking, he saw one of the brothers pointing a revolver at Superintendent Lawson. Without thinking, Charlie burst into motion and moved to block his superior officer.

The shot rang out, sounding louder than life. Charlie felt as though he’d been punched in the shoulder before a searing pain spread throughout his body. He crumpled to the ground and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. There was shouting but his eyes weren’t focusing. A head appeared in his vision and fighting against the fog, Charlie focused on the piercing green eyes that at some point had come to mean so much to him.

No one in Ballarat knew of his disposition...his sexual preferences...and he had planned to keep it that way. He had planned to pretend that he was perfectly normal. He definitely hadn’t anticipated the instant attraction when he’d met Matthew or the respect and tenderness that he had developed towards his enigma of a boss.

Lawson was applying pressure to the rapidly bleeding wound. Charlie gripped feebly at the sleeve of Lawson’s jacket. “Matthew,” he pleaded, “don’t tell my mother.”

“It’s alright, Davis. You’re gonna be fine.” Lawson sounded as confident as he always did, but Charlie recognized the fear in his eyes and the lie in the lines around his mouth. 

“Please...don’t leave me...” he managed before his eyes rolled back into his head and his body went lax.

Lawson was in his element ordering people around, but he made sure to keep pressure on the wound. Relief flooded him when Dr. Blake showed up, an ambulance not far behind.

 

Charlie was rushed to the hospital and sent immediately into surgery. Lawson followed the ambulance in his police car and had trailed behind the gurney they transported him on. Now he was waiting outside pacing. He was joined by Blake who clapped a hand on his shoulder. “How is he?” Lawson asked, knowing his friend wouldn’t lie to him.

“He’s still in surgery. The bullet didn’t go through so they have to find it before they can sew him up.”

“Is he going to be alright?” Matthew’s fear was leaking out and Lucien could tell how deeply affected the typically stoic man was by the young senior constable’s injury. 

“From what I could tell, the bullet didn’t hit anything vital.”

Lawson pursed his lips and nodded before looking down at his hands. He was stricken when he realized he still had Charlie’s blood on his hands. He sucked in air and realized his hands were shaking. 

“Matthew, what’s wrong?” Blake asked, not understanding Lawson’s reaction. 

“The bullet was meant for me.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

“Charlie moved between me and Andrews right as he fired the gun.”

“Is Andrews locked up?”

“Yeah. Him and his brother. I’m sure Hobart is teaching them the error of their ways.”

Lucien gave him a knowing and sympathetic look. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

 

Matthew kept spinning his hat in his now clean hands. The doctor had said Charlie could wake up any time now but the minutes were dragging by. In the last couple of months he’d started having suspicions concerning the young man who’d suddenly appeared in his life. As startling as that revelation had been, what had surprised him even more was the way Charlie had gradually slipped into his own thoughts. He found himself preoccupied with getting to know him and trying to get the serious man to smile more. Charlie had a lovely smile.

The whole thing was a mess and a complication. Lawson couldn’t make sense of his feelings. At the moment he felt guilt, fear, and combating to overwhelm the others—anger. How dare Charlie put himself in danger, especially to protect him! As his commanding officer it was Lawson’s job to protect him, dammit!

“Boss?” Charlie croaked.

Lawson’s head shot up and he met concerned blue eyes, “Davis. How are you feeling?”

“What happened”

“You were a bloody idiot is what happened,” Lawson chastised, looking back at his hat for a moment before sitting up straight and taking a deep breath. “You were shot in the shoulder. Not too much damage but you’re going to be on leave until you’re medically cleared for active duty.”

“And the brothers?”

“Hobart’s dealing with them.”

“But Boss, he—”

Lawson held up a hand to stop his protestations, “They deserve it, Charlie.”

Lawson made himself meet Davis’ eyes again and in that brief second, the younger man schooled his features, hiding his thoughts. Lawson had caught the shift more and more but never the preceding expression and part of Lawson wished he knew how Charlie looked at him. Then again, it was probably better he didn’t. 

“Why’d you do it, Davis?”

Charlie took a moment to gather his words, “Because...well, because you’re worth more than me.” Matthew scoffed, but Charlie continued, “You are! You’re integral to Ballarat and the police force. You care more than you let on and you’d be missed if you were gone. And because I—” Charlie stopped abruptly, realized what he’d almost confessed aloud. He flushed and looked away.

Matthew leaned forward and waited for Charlie to look at him, “You’re important too, Charlie.”

They were interrupted by a doctor who’d realized Charlie was awake. After getting checked over, Lawson and Davis were left alone again. Discomfort began to permeate the room. Charlie finally broke it, “Not that I’m ungrateful, sir, but why are you still here? I’d have thought they’d need you at the station.”

Matthew attempted to dodge the question, “I’m sure they have everything in hand.”

It was Charlie’s turn to wait expectantly.

“Well, because you asked me to.”

Charlie seemed disappointed at the answer and started blinking faster than normal. Matthew murmured, so softly Charlie almost thought he’d imagined it, “And because I do too.”

Charlie looked at him, honestly surprised, but there was no mistaking the tenderness in Matthew’s eyes. “This can never leave this room, Charlie. You understand that, right?”

Charlie took a moment to respond. Finally he whispered, “Yes sir.”

Matthew impulsively put his hand on the bed beside Charlie, palm up. Before he could change his mind, Charlie interlaced their fingers. He took in a sharp breath and reveled in the brief moment. He felt the calluses on Matthew’s palms and traced a scar with his thumb. They heard footsteps in the hallway and broke apart. The moment was lost and Lawson stood, “I’m sorry but I need to leave, Charlie.”

“I understand, sir.” Lawson had reached the door when Charlie continued, “Thank you...Matthew.”


	2. Chapter 2

Several weeks passed before Charlie came back to work. He and Lawson had been consciously avoiding each other, nonchalantly using Lucien as a go between. It had been easier than they had anticipated once Charlie moved into the Doctor’s house as an additional lodger with O’Brien. 

Both men had hoped the time apart would help but when Charlie walked into the station, Matthew felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He looked good—rested; but there were new lines around his eyes. Green eyes met blue and there was a brief flare of intensity before they looked away. “Alright, Davis?” Lawson asked, moving to the tea station.

“Yes sir. Thank you, Boss.”

A few hours passed and Charlie had made progress with the stack of paperwork on his desk. He felt an electric current between him and the Superintendent no matter where they were in the room. He stoically did his best to avoid looking at him.

“Davis!” Lawson barked.

“Sir?” Charlie asked, standing to face the daunting man.

“What’d you do with the files from the Johnston case three months ago?”

“They’re down in storage, sir. I thought the case was closed.”

“It is. Melbourne needs some information. Show me.”

“Yes sir,” Charlie replied, bewildered. Why would Melbourne need information on a simple robbery?

Charlie led the way downstairs and into the storage room. Lawson closed the door behind them and Charlie stopped short when he heard the lock click. Looking back at his superior officer, Charlie felt a fissure of fear at the look on Lawson’s face. For some reason he couldn’t read him and there was an intensity there unnerved him. “Boss?”

Charlie found himself shoved against a row of shelves before Matthew’s lips landed on his. He grunted in surprise before reciprocating. His hands grasped Lawson’s sides and Lawson gripped his coat. Their lips moved together in a clash of suppressed emotions. Matthew brought one hand up to Charlie’s hair, threading his fingers into the thick locks. Charlie’s tongue reached out, brushing Matthew’s lips who pulled back in surprise with a deep gasp. They stared at each other, eyes bright. Matthew brought his hand down to circle around Charlie’s torso, “Where do we go from here?”

Charlie tried to regulate his breathing, “I don’t know.

“Today was harder than I’d anticipated.”

“Obviously,” Charlie smirked.

Matthew returned the smile, leaning forward to press another brief kiss to Charlie’s lips. “Plans tonight?” He asked.

“Nothing too pressing.”

“Dinner? My place?”

“I’ll be there.”

Lawson made to leave, but Charlie stopped him, “We came down for files. We should take some back up with us.”

“Right. I’m not—this is the first time I’ve—You’re the only...man I’ve ever—” 

Charlie laid a reassuring hand on his arm, “If we’re going to do this, we have to trust each other explicitly.”

“I know. Now where are the bloody files?”

Charlie chuckled and handed the superintendent a small stack. Matthew brought a hand up to Charlie’s cheek running his thumb along the new lines, “How are you feeling?”

“Good as new.” He gave him a soft smile looking up the slight height difference to meet his eyes. 

“My place. Seven o’clock.”

“I’ll be there.”


	3. Chapter 3

Charlie’s hands were sweating. He stood on Matthew’s porch working up the courage to knock. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. Lawson was the one who invited him after all. He poised his hand to knock but the door opened before his fist landed. Lawson smirked, “I was tired of waiting. Come in.”

Charlie gave a self-conscious smile and walked in. He’d never been in his superior’s house before. It was surprisingly domestic and homey. He had expected a typical bachelor’s pad but was met with beautiful landscapes on the wall, numerous books on the shelves, and even a vase of flowers on a table in the entryway. “I didn’t know you had a housekeeper,” Charlie commented, appreciating the smell of the roast lamb that permeated the house.

“I don’t,” Matthew replied confused.

“Ah sorry, I just assumed...”

Matthew shrugged it off, “Can I take your jacket?”

Charlie took it off and waited for a cue from Matthew. He’d been intimate with other men before but only physically. It was different with Matthew. He wasn’t sure if Matthew had ever been with a man before nor did he know what exactly he wanted from him. This felt so much more personal.

“You look nervous,” Matthew remarked, coming to stand close to him. Closer than he would have in public. Charlie searched his eyes before slowly moving towards him. He wrapped his arms around Matthew’s middle, resting his head against his shoulder, relaxing when the embrace was reciprocated. “I closed all the curtains so no one passing by can see in,” Matthew said quietly. Charlie could feel his voice rumbling in his chest. 

Just then the timer rang and the two men jumped apart. Charlie couldn’t help the awkward chuckle that slipped out. Matthew smiled back before moving down the hall to where Charlie assumed the kitchen was located. Charlie followed, “Anything I can do to help?”

“Dishes are there if you want to set the table.”

Charlie nodded and moved to do so, “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” Matthew replied, taking a pan out of the oven. 

Minutes later they were sitting down to eat. Charlie finally found the gumption to ask, “Can I ask how you knew, sir?”

“Don’t call me ‘sir’. Please. Not here.” 

“Sorry, I’m just not...” 

“I know. There’s a lot we need to navigate. We have to tread carefully. There’s the nature of the whole thing, but I’m also your commanding officer.”

Charlie nodded and looked down at his plate. “Yesterday you said you hadn’t—” he cleared his throat.

“No—I’ve been with women before but only a handful of times. I’ve never really felt the need to settle down.”

Charlie nodded, “You didn’t answer my first question. How’d you know?”

“I didn’t, not at first.”

“You didn’t like me.”

Matthew grinned, “You were spying on me.”

“Fair point.” 

“It wasn’t anything major. Small things that added up once I started looking at them. Other than that girl Beatrice, you haven’t dated and don’t seem interested in any of the women here. But then you find reasons to stay at work and volunteer to work on cases with me. You don’t go out. You keep yourself isolated for the most part. Initially I put that down to not intending to stay, but then you started getting to know Blake and even moved in with him.”

“My mom wasn’t happy about that.”

“She wants you back home?”

Charlie nodded, fiddling with his fork, “I have younger brothers. Much younger. Dad died when I was a boy and then she remarried. Bernie’s at work most of the time and I helped out where I could. Mom had to work part time while I was in school. Once I joined the Force, she could stay home again. With me in Ballarat they’re struggling. I still send them part of my pay every month but I can’t do as much as I used to.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s what you do for family, right?”

“I wouldn’t know. Just my sister and I and she’s off in Melbourne. Moved there before the war when she got married.”

“You fought in the war didn’t you?”

Matthew nodded, “I’d rather not talk about it. Plus it reminds me how much older I am than you.”

“Not that much older.”

“I’m old enough to be your father, Charlie.”

Charlie choked on the swig of water he’d just tried to swallow. Matthew couldn’t help but smile in response. When Charlie could breathe again he said, “No you’re not.”

“I’m 48, you’re 28. That’s something else that complicates things.”

Charlie thought about it for a minute, “I’m an adult. It doesn’t need to complicate things if we don’t let it. I just know I’m interested in you and enjoy spending time with you.”

“Me too,” Matthew confessed.

They made small talk as they cleaned the dishes. Without thinking it through, Matthew said, “It’s nice to see you in civvies. I don’t think I ever have before.”

Charlie looked at him, face marked with surprise, “I don’t think I have either.”

“You’re more fit than you can tell through your uniform.”

Charlie felt his face flush, “Thank you. I think.”

They were done with dishes and there was a brief awkwardness over what was next. Matthew reached over and put a hand on Charlie’s neck, massaging it gently. “I think you’re more anxious than I am.”

Charlie leaned into his touch, “I’m just waiting for you to tell me this is all a joke and I’m the punchline. It’s too good to be true.”

Matthew moved his hand around to Charlie’s cheek, “It’s not a joke.” 

He invaded Charlie’s space and Charlie took in a big breath. “I don’t think I’m ready to...the actual...” he cleared his throat.

Matthew smiled softly, “I’m not either. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company.”

Charlie smiled and leaned forward, lips meeting Matthew’s. Kissing a man was different than kissing a woman. And kissing when sex was off the table was definitely different. It was more leisurely. Exploratory...gentle. That is, until Charlie found himself pushed up against the counter. Leisurely soon turned into a battle for dominance. Matthew finally pulled away, needing to breathe. He rested his forehead against Charlie’s. His hands were on the younger man’s sides, fingertips almost touching along his back. Charlie’s hands were fisted in Matthew’s shirt between the two of them. 

Matthew stepped away from Charlie but grabbed one of his hands in his own. He moved to the living room and gestured to his sofa before turning on the telly. He turned it to the first station he could find before sitting next to Charlie. He wrapped an arm around him and Charlie easily curled into him. “Before moving here I didn’t realize you could miss physical touch.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I left home, my brothers were wanting to wrestle and get piggy back rides and mom hugs everyone. People barely even shake hands here.”

Matthew moved his hand up to run through Charlie’s hair. Matthew could feel the tension drain from the younger man as he massaged his scalp. “I never realized how curly your hair is.”

“I usually have a lot of hair wax in it,” Charlie replied, words slurring slightly. 

They both pretended to watch the show on the television but were wrapped up in their own thoughts. Charlie eventually ended up with his head on a pillow in Matthew’s lap, tracing a pattern on his knee. Slowly his movements slowed and Matthew realized he’d drifted asleep. 

There was a weird tension within the superintendent. The tenderness he felt for Charlie scared him if he was being honest. He enjoyed being in his company and was interested in being more than friends but their situation was a mess. Was he really willing to risk everything for Charlie? Charlie had already risked his life for Matthew and nearly died as a result. The thought of losing him had hit Matthew harder than it should have. He viewed Charlie as a friend—more than a friend and cared for him deeply. It was far too early to use the ‘L’ word, but the sentiments were definitely close. 

Matthew didn’t want to wake Charlie, but his leg was falling asleep. He moved slowly to stand, cushioning Charlie’s head with a pillow. He took off Charlie’s shoes and covered him with a blanket. Charlie looked even younger when he was asleep. God, what was he doing? Charlie had his whole life ahead of him and here he was almost at retirement. Matthew couldn’t help but brush an errant curl off Charlie’s forehead. Matthew turned off the lights and got ready for bed. He checked on Charlie one last time before seconding to his room.

 

Charlie woke up confused and disoriented. He could smell breakfast but normally scents from the kitchen didn’t reach his room upstairs. Oh yeah...he’d moved to the doctor’s house. He slowly sat upright, rubbing his eyes. He was still in his clothes from the night before...oh no. He jolted off the sofa realizing he’d fallen asleep on his Commanding...Matthew. He heard steps behind him and turned to see Matthew just about ready for the day. “Sorry,” Charlie mumbled, not fully awake and a little unsteady on his feet.

Matthew smiled softly. Charlie was rather adorable sleep tousled. “I don’t mind. You needed the rest.”

“What time is it? I don’t have my uniform.”

Matthew came over and pressed a kiss to his temple. “You’re off today. It’s Saturday.”

“Oh,” Charlie said, leaning in to Matthew who wrapped his arms around him. “Then why are you dressed for work?”

“There was a death over at the factory. I’m meeting Blake to talk about the victim but it seems fairly open and shut. I should be home by lunch time. You’re welcome to stay if you like.”

Charlie smiled up at him and kissed his cheek, ‘Thanks. I think I will. I don’t feel quite settled at the Doc’s yet. And to be honest, some time to myself sounds amazing.”

Matthew nodded and Charlie breathed in his aftershave combined with the smell that was distinctly his. “I’m sorry I fell asleep. What a horrible way to end a first date.”

Matthew flushed slightly at the word ‘date’. “I don’t mind. I’m glad you feel comfortable here. There’s eggs and potatoes on the stove and tea in the pot.”

“You’re fantastic.”

Matthew laughed, kissed him, then headed out the door.

 

“Good morning?” Blake asked when he saw Matthew and the satisfied grin he couldn’t seem to wipe off his face. The two of them were alone in autopsy as Blake worked on the body. Matthew made a noncommittal “hmm.”

“Fine, don’t tell me. It’s good to see you happy.” After a moment he asked, “Have you heard from Charlie this morning? He didn’t come home last night and he wasn’t at the station.”

“I don’t usually keep tabs on my employees after hours.”

“Mmm, yes. It’s just Jean wanted to make plans for his birthday dinner.”

“I’ll pass it along if I see him.”

Lucien searched his friend for a moment before returning to the task at hand. Something was going on with Matthew, and he’d get to the bottom of it.

 

Meanwhile, Charlie was fighting the urge to be nosy. The house was gloriously quiet. He respected Matthew enough to afford the man his privacy, but being alone in his house was definitely a temptation for nosy-ness. He instead washed the dishes from breakfast, but it didn’t take up nearly enough time. He roamed the hall, slowly taking in the art work on the walls. He reached a room that was obviously Matthew’s bedroom. The bed was of course made with military precision. There was a picture on his bedside table of a much younger Matthew with a young girl being carried on his shoulders. His smile was radiant and the girl looked like she was laughing. 

Charlie felt as though he understood Lawson better than anybody else, and yet the man was such an enigma. Charlie sat on the side of the bed he guessed Matthew slept on. He grabbed the pillow, breathing in Matthew’s scent. Previously he’d only been able to catch hints here and there, but now he could revel in it. He was drowsy again. Even though he’d been cleared for duty, it didn’t take much to leave him exhausted. He’d just close his eyes for a minute...

 

Charlie had said he’d stay, but Matthew’s mood fell slightly when he didn’t see him when he got home. He didn’t hear anything either. With drooped shoulders, he took off his hat and coat, hanging them on the hook in the entryway. Except—Charlie’s coat was still hanging too. Matthew’s brows furrowed, “Charlie?”

He still didn’t hear anything, so he moved down the hall looking for him. When he walked past his room, he stopped short when he saw Charlie on his bed. He was curled around one of Matthew’s pillows, snoring softly. Maybe Charlie shouldn’t have gone back to work if just one day took so much out of him. He hadn’t even been in the field yesterday.

Moving quietly, he grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked to listen for any movement from Charlie. He’d changed his trousers and was switching shirts when his elbow bumped a tray of bottles. He grimaced, feeling guilty when he heard Charlie gasp awake. “Matthew?” He was obviously groggy still. 

Matthew went to him, new shirt still in his hand. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He sat on the bed next to him.

Charlie was rubbing his shoulder; the one he’d been shot through. “Are you ok?” Matthew asked, concern written across his face. 

“Hmm? Yeah. I’m fine.”

“I’m not sure I believe you,” he replied, brushing one of the bags under Charlie’s eyes with his thumb.

Charlie seemed to wilt, “I don’t know why I’m so tired all the time.”

“Is your shoulder still hurting?”

“Not really. It’s more of a phantom pain now.”

“Can I see?”

Charlie unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt so he could pull it down. Matthew could see where the bullet had pierced him and also the lines from the surgeon’s cuts. He saw where it’d already healed, but the middle was still rather angry looking. “Charlie,” Matthew chastised. 

“I’m fine,” he defended, buttoning his shirt again. “How was the case?” He asked, hoping to divert him.

Matthew allowed the new conversation, pulling his own shirt on. “Open and shut. Blake was asking about you.”

“Really? Why?” 

“Apparently Mrs. Beazley wants to do something for your birthday and they were wondering where you were last night.” 

“Oh,” Charlie flushed. “I didn’t expect her to remember.”

“When is your birthday?”

“Tuesday.” Charlie leaned in to Matthew again. Now that he had permission to touch the man, that’s all he wanted to do. “Who’s the girl in the picture?”

“My niece. My sister’s daughter. She’s twenty-five now.”

“You look so happy.”

Matthew chuckled, “Yes, that was back when I was a sergeant. Life was a little easier without the added responsibilities of management.”

 

Charlie stayed through the afternoon, leaving to be home in time for dinner. As soon as he walked in the door, Jean was there. “Charlie? Is that you? Are you all right? I was worried when you didn’t come home last night”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Beazley. I should have called. I fell asleep at my friend’s house.”

Jean frowned slightly, looking him over, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yes ma’am,” he replied, smiling. He knew if he accused her of mothering she’d deny it, but it felt good knowing someone cared.


	4. Chapter 4

“Oh, Lawson, come in. We’re celebrating Charlie’s birthday.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense. Mrs. Beazley has prepared enough for a feast.”

Matthew smiled and walked in. He of course had known about the planned festivities, but neither he nor Charlie had wanted to explain why Charlie wanted him to be there. 

“Superintendent,” Jean said in greeting. Mattie smiled and trying to seem casual, Charlie greeted, “Boss.”

Matthew had asked him to stop calling him ‘boss,’ but Charlie argued that it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to accidentally use his Christian name in front of others. They had compromised and Matthew would allow Boss as long as he didn’t call him ‘sir’ anymore. On the other end, Matthew had a new nickname for Charlie...Curly. 

Blake seemed to sense something between the two men but didn’t say anything, he gestured for Lawson to sit and they began passing the food around. The conversation stayed light with much banter at Charlie’s expense. The chocolate cake Jean had made for dessert was delicious and Charlie felt blessed to have such people in his life.

 

After dinner they played a round or two of cards until everyone was ready to retire for the evening. Mattie and Jean had already headed to bed. Lawson was headed for the door, hoping for a private moment with Charlie but Blake followed him instead. Charlie entered the kitchen as they talked, tidying up some remnants of the night. When he heard Blake say goodnight and the door shut, Charlie snuck out the kitchen door and around to the front of the house. “Matthew!” He whispered to stop the man. Matthew turned and grinned when he saw Charlie jogging over to him. “Thank you for coming tonight,” Charlie murmured when he was standing in front of him. 

“Of course. Wouldn’t’ve missed it.”

“See you tomorrow? At...at work?”

“Naturally.” Matthew smirked before he took a quick cursory glance around them. Assessing that they were alone, he pulled a small envelope-like package out of his pocket. Handing it over he said, “Happy Birthday, Charlie. Don’t open it now. Wait until you’re alone.”

“Thank you, Matthew. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know. But I wanted to.”

It was Charlie’s turn to look around quickly. He didn’t have the gumption to risk a kiss out in the open, but he wanted to show his appreciation. Charlie took Matthew’s hand in his and squeezed before releasing it again, “See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.” 

Matthew started walking home and Charlie watched until he was on the other side of the gate, then turned to slowly walk back to the kitchen door. He stuck the package in his pocket before walking in and was glad he had because he opened the door to a surprised Blake. “Charlie. I thought you’d gone to bed.”

“No sir, just stepped outside for a minute.”

“Ah, well, good night. And happy birthday.”

“Thanks, Doc. ‘Night.”

Charlie headed for his room, brimming with curiosity over Matthew’s gift. Once he’d closed his door, he pulled out the package and sat on his bed. Even though it was small, it was fairly hefty. He opened the envelope and tipped out a beautiful watch. There was a note too: “Happy Birthday, Charlie. Wishing you many more. I know your last watch broke at the Andrews’. Love, Matthew.”

Charlie’s heart swelled and he felt his face flush even though he was alone. He inspected the watch. It was a similar style to his last, but seemed much more expensive. There was even an engraving on the back, “For being you, M”

Charlie felt his eyes tearing up. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve the attention of a man like Matthew but he could honestly say he was genuinely happy he’d ended up in Ballarat.


	5. Chapter 5

Matthew had already been at the station for several hours when Charlie’s shift began. He tried to tell himself it didn’t matter whether or not Charlie was wearing the watch, but still his eyes sought it out. He felt profound satisfaction when he saw it on Charlie’s wrist. Their paths didn’t cross again for most of the day. When Charlie finally made it back to his desk towards the end of his shift, he found a note tucked under his notebook. He checked to see if anyone was looking before opening it. “My place for Trivia after dinner?”

Charlie sensed Matthew walk into the room before he heard his voice. Looking up, their eyes met for a moment. Charlie nodded both in greeting and in affirmation. Matthew nodded back before returning to his conversation.

*********

Charlie had never wanted a dinner to go faster. Apparently he was eating too quickly. “Your food’s not going anywhere, Charlie. You do have time to chew,” Blake said with a chuckle.

“Sorry, Doc. It’s just...”

“Just what?” Mattie asked, obviously being nosy.

“I was going to meet up with a friend at 7.”

“A lady friend?” Mattie teased.

“Mattie,” Jean chastised gently. “I for one am glad you’re making friends, Charlie.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Beazley.”

Charlie finished his food and after gaining permission to leave, took off down the road. Charlie knocked on Matthew’s door and it was promptly opened. Once it was closed again, Charlie found himself pushed up against the wall as Matthew’s lips descended on his. This time things turned more physical than it ever had before. Charlie’s legs wrapped around Matthew’s waist and his hands tangled in Matthew’s hair. Matthew’s hands gripped Charlie’s arse and held him close. They could feel the other’s arousal but still held back.

Matthew’s lips moved to trail down Charlie’s neck and Charlie gasped at the sensations. His experiences up until now had only been about basal sexual release but with Matthew, oh...he wanted—needed more.

Charlie slowly dropped his legs, still clinging to Matthew. Matthew’s lips returned to Charlie’s but he was gentler than before. The kisses slowed until they were just holding each other and Charlie greatly enjoyed the cliche of staring into Matthew’s eyes. Suddenly chuckling, Charlie said, “Hello to you too.”

Matthew smiled and kissed him again before pulling away. “We said we were going to watch Trivia so we should probably at least turn it on.”

“Hmm...but this is more fun,” Charlie countered.

It was Matthew’s turn to chuckle but he kissed Charlie again before taking his hand in his and heading for the living room. Once settled in, Matthew asked, “How are you feeling? It’s been a crazy week at the station.”

“I’m managing.” Charlie assured him. “Mrs. Beazley’s worried though because I’ve been going to bed early every night.”

“It was nice of her to make yesterday special for you.”

“Hmm...yes. Matthew, thank you for the watch. It’s magnificent. I’ve never had anything as nice as this.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he replied wrapping his arm around him. “Seeing you wear it today affected me more than I anticipated.”

“Hmmm...” Charlie murmured, hand wandering. 

When it reached Matthew’s lap he realized Charlie’s intention with a jolt and grabbed Charlie’s wrist abruptly. “What are you doing?” He looked genuinely alarmed.

“I’m expressing my gratitude. Don’t worry, clothes will be staying on.” 

“Charlie—” 

“It’s ok. Your windows are closed and covered, right?”

“Yes, but...”

“Are you telling me no?” Charlie asked, instantly doubting...nervous he’d overstepped. When Matthew shook his head, Charlie moved to pull his hand away, but Matthew didn’t let go.

“No. I mean, I’m not saying ‘no’.” 

Charlie smirked, leaning forward to kiss Matthew’s cheek, then lips, working to revive his arousal. When Charlie’s hand brushed along the front of Matthew’s pants, he jumped. “Shh...” Charlie soothed. “Relax, Matthew. It’s meant to be enjoyable.”

“I know. I’ve just never...”

“Close your eyes. Just feel.”

It didn’t take long for Matthew to be aroused again and once Charlie got to work in Matthew’s trousers it wasn’t long before Matthew came with a grunt. Charlie worked him through it and as he was coming down, whispered, “Next time, I want your eyes to be open. I want to see you as you fall apart for me. Only for me.”

Matthew’s eyes shot open, a tempest within them. He reached up and pulled Charlie in for a searing kiss Charlie felt in his toes. “Only for you,” he emphasized as he pulled away again. 

Charlie smiled at him. Remembering the mess, Charlie brought his hand up and licked away what had hit him and Matthew breathed in sharply. Charlie smirked mid lick, “You’re probably going to want to change before it gets too tacky.”

“What about you?” Matthew asked, referring to Charlie’s own hard-on. 

“I didn’t bring a change of clothes. I’m fine. It’ll go away eventually.”

Matthew went to his room and changed. He reappeared in his pajamas and Charlie smiled. “What?” Matthew asked. “Why dirty a change of clothes for just a couple of hours?”

“No—I—it’s just nice to see you so relaxed.”

Matthew returned the smile, rejoining him on the couch. “Very relaxed,” he affirmed, nuzzling into Charlie’s neck briefly.

Charlie toed off his shoes and spread out, using Matthew as a pillow. Matthew found his hand in Charlie’s hair again. He wasn’t sure why but he enjoyed the texture against his fingers. The show ended but Charlie didn’t move. “You asleep?” Matthew asked.

Charlie made an indistinguishable, noncommittal sound. “Don’t wanna walk home.” He grumbled.

“You can stay the night again,” Matthew offered.

“The Doc...”

“You’re an adult, Charlie.”

“Mkay,” he seceded, still more asleep than awake. 

“Come on, Charlie. Bedtime.”

“Don’t wanna move.”

“The bed will be much more comfortable. And you can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in.”

Charlie turned and squinted an eye up at him. “Mkay.”

Matthew pushed Charlie upright then directed him towards his bedroom. He pulled out a pair of sleeping trousers and a tee-shirt but Charlie had sat down on the food of the bed. “Come on, Curly,” Matthew cajoled. “I’m gonna go close up the house. The bathroom’s there if you need it.”

Matthew locked up the house and turned off the lights. When he made it back to his room, he found Charlie had changed his trousers but hadn’t pulled on the shirt yet. There were scars Matthew hadn’t seen before—from repeated beatings.

“Charlie—” he breathed. 

“Hmm?” He asked turning around. Seeing Matthew’s expression, his own became guarded as he realized what he’d seen. “It wasn’t that hard to leave home,” he offered by way of explanation, quickly putting the shirt on. He turned his back to Matthew who came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, kissing his shoulder. 

“I’m glad they can’t hurt you anymore.” 

Charlie nodded, “But my brothers are still there. In that house.”

“Your stepfather?”

Charlie nodded, leaning into Matthew’s chest. “He hadn’t hit them yet, when I left. I was just the stepson after all.”

“No one deserves that.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Charlie whispered. 

Matthew tightened his hold a moment before stepping back. He settled into bed, sitting up against the headboard. He waited for Charlie to climb in next to him. It took a moment but he finally did. Matthew held out an arm and Charlie curled into him. It felt like such a natural position, as though they’d been doing it for years. “Thanks for letting me stay tonight.”

“Of course.”

Matthew reached over to turn off the light and they settled in. Charlie was using Matthew as his pillow. Matthew had thought it would take a while to fall asleep, but once Charlie’s breathing evened out, he soon joined him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how long it’s been since posting! Hope you enjoy. :) 
> 
> Warnings for self harm and mentions of past abuse from Charlie’s stepfather.

Matthew, I have to ask you something,” Blake said. They were alone in autopsy, but the simple statement still filled Lawson with dread.

“What is it?”

“It’s about Charlie...and you.”

Matthew stood straight from his previously relaxed posture. “Spit it out, Blake.”

“You spend a lot of time together don’t you?”

“We work together. Of course we do.”

“I mean outside of work.”

Matthew wasn’t going to volunteer any information so he waited for his friend to continue.

“Are you and he—?”

“What?”

Blake cleared his throat, “I thought you liked women.”

“I do.”

“But you also like Charlie.”

Lawson shoved his hands in his pockets and stared down at his shoes. He cleared his throat, “Where are you going with this?”

“Matthew,” Blake said softly, “The pair of you aren’t as inconspicuous as you think you are.” Lawson’s gaze shot up to him with that piercing expression he used to make suspects squirm. Blake held up a hand to appease him. “Only someone close to the two of you could see it. I doubt anyone else would suspect anything.”

“What do you plan to do with this information?”

“Why should I need to do anything? You and Charlie are my friends. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Although you might consider telling Jean and Mattie. They’re afraid Charlie’s going to get some poor girl in the family way. Plus then you could be yourselves somewhere other than your house.”

“I’ll talk to Charlie about it. I believe it goes without saying that I want you to keep this to yourself.”

“Of course.”

 

The next day Matthew pulled Charlie into an interview room. “He WHAT?!” Charlie exploded when Matthew warned him.

“Blake knows—about us.”

Charlie started pacing, clenching his hat in his hands. “But Matthew. He can’t. He just—how? I mean we’re careful.”

Matthew reached out a hand and stopped him, “He’s sworn he won’t tell anyone. And you know the Doc, he finds things where no one else is even looking. He could probably tell you used my aftershave.”

Charlie started pacing again, running his hand down the back of his head. “He could destroy us.”

“Does that sound like something he would do?”

“Not on purpose. But he can be a loose cannon when he’s drinking.”

“He suggested we tell Miss O’Brien and Mrs. Beazley.”

“Bloody hell,” Charlie hissed, “Why not just tell everybody? Shout it in the town square: Charlie Davis and Matthew Lawson are bloody sods—grab your torches and pitchforks.”

“Keep your voice down, Davis.” Matthew chastised, harsher than he intended, casting a furtive glance outside the room.

Charlie flashed back to the last beating he’d received from his stepfather when he accused him of sleeping around. The man had always kept it to where it could have been hidden but the week before he’d been sent to Ballarat, Bernie had almost broken his ribs and left him with angry welts along his back. Charlie’s breathing started picking up and he couldn’t control it. In seconds he was gasping for air. His lungs weren’t working right. He looked to Matthew, panicking. Matthew pushed him into a chair and shoved his head between his knees. “It’s going to be all right, Charlie,” he assured, dropping to one knee in front of him. He watched carefully to be sure Charlie’s breathing stabilized. Gradually it did and Matthew could relax again.

Charlie couldn’t stop the, “What if Hobart or Ned find out?” that blurted out. “They won’t keep something like this to themselves.”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there. And that’s only ‘if.’” Matthew could still read Charlie’s distress. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t having the same reaction but he put it down to this all being very new to him. He hadn’t faced any problems because he’d never been with a man before. “Deep breath,” he commanded and Charlie did so. 

Matthew moved to stand with good timing because there was a knock on the door. Charlie’s breathing sped up again as they both looked. It was one of the newer constables. Charlie was still sitting because he felt as though his knees would give out if he attempted to stand. He dropped his head into his hands. “What?” Matthew demanded.

“Uh...sorry to interrupt, sir” he stammered out, “but...uh...there’s been a murder over at the church.”

“Bloody hell,” Matthew muttered. He looked to Charlie who was still extremely shaken. “Tell Martin and Hobart it’s theirs.”

“Yes sir.”  
When the constable left, Matthew looked down at the back of Charlie’s head then down at his shoes, “Do you need to go home?”

“And face Blake? Probably not a good idea.”

“Can you finish your shift?”

Charlie looked up forlornly for a second before he composed his features and pulled himself together. He’d deal with his emotions later, “Yes, Boss.”

Charlie left first and returned to his desk. Matthew went to find Hobart and Martin and then was gone for the rest of the work day.

 

Charlie walked home fretting over what to do. Was it better to call it off before he got Matthew in trouble? But—he didn’t want to do that. He cared for Matthew and loved spending time with him, more than just as a friend or colleague. Was Blake really ok with the whole situation or had Matthew interpreted it through rose colored glasses?

He stood in front of the door to the doctor’s house and took a deep breath before walking in. “Ah! Charlie, welcome home,” Jean greeted when she saw it was him. Seeing his expression she instantly grew concerned, “Are you alright? You don’t seem quite yourself.”

“Just a long day at the station,” he explained with a forced smile.

“Well, dinner is going to be in about an hour.”

“Thank you.”

Charlie closed himself in his room and found himself fighting back tears. He changed out of his uniform and sat at his desk, mind reeling. There was a knock on his door and he jumped. “Charlie?” Jean called. “You received a letter today.”

Charlie opened the door and accepted the proffered envelope, thanking her.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You look pale. Is your shoulder troubling you?”

“No. I’m fine, really. Thank you.”

Jean nodded but still looked doubtful. “I’ll call you when dinner’s ready, then.”

Charlie smiled at her and closed the door. The letter was from his mom. His heart sank a little. He’d grown lapse in his contact with her, adding to the guilt he was already battling. He read slowly, the letter detailed some of the things his brothers were doing in school and she talked about her sewing group. He realized she avoided the topic of Bernie. At the conclusion she asked when he’d be coming back home. He’d been putting off answering. He’d received word that if he wanted to transfer back to Melbourne he could and he’d be closer to his family again. But what about the misfit family he’d made here?

Charlie stewed in his thoughts until he heard a knock on his door again. It was Mattie come to tell him dinner was ready. He rubbed his hands over his face before pulling himself together and headed for the kitchen table. “Smells wonderful, Mrs. Beazley.”

“Thank you, Charlie. Feeling better?”

“Oh, under the weather are you, Charlie?” Blake asked as he rounded the corner into the room.

“I’m fine,” Charlie replied unable to look the doctor in the eye. He sat at his place at the table and stayed quiet throughout the meal. He returned to his room as quickly as he could, not up for conversation.

“What’s wrong with Charlie?” Mattie asked when she heard his door click shut.

“He told me it was just a rough day at work, but it must be more than that.”

“Maybe it’s something to do with his girl he’s been seeing. What do you think, Lucien?”

“I think you both should mind your own business and leave Charlie alone.”

“You’re no fun,” Mattie returned. “It’s just as well. I have to head out. I don’t know what time I’ll be back.”

“And I’ve got my sewing circle at Evelyn’s here soon.

“Can you give us a hint?” Mattie asked.

“I never said I knew anything,” Blake defended. “Both of you get out of here.”

Once the women had left for the evening, Blake went and knocked on Charlie’s door. “Charlie, it’s Lucien. I’m guessing Matthew talked to you.”

Charlie waited for a moment before replying, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Very well. Mattie and Jean have left for the evening so it’s just the two of us if you change your mind.”

Charlie didn’t reply. Lucien loitered for a few seconds before going to his office to work. About half an hour had passed and there was no noise from Charlie’s room. Impulsively, Blake called Matthew. 

“Lawson,” he answered.

“Matthew, it’s Lucien. I’m worried about Charlie.”

“What? Why?”

“He barely spoke at dinner, wouldn’t look me in the eye, and now he’s locked himself in his room.”

“Because I told him you knew.”

“And I’m guessing he took it badly.”

“He panicked.”

“Ah, well, he’s got some scars that have always concerned me.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked assuming he meant the ones on Charlie’s back and wondered how Blake had seen them.

“Oh his thighs,” Lucien explained. “I saw them when he was in hospital. They were old but I think they were self-inflicted.”

“Dammit, Blake. Why do you always have to meddle?”

“Jean and Mattie are gone for the evening and I think Charlie could use your company.”

“I’ll be there shortly.”

 

Matthew opted to walk over so he wouldn’t need to explain his car in Blake’s driveway. His mind was whirling. He’d been preoccupied with Charlie’s reaction for most of the day. Enough that even Hobart had mentioned he seemed distracted. Working on the force, he knew what response gay men were usually met with. He’d heard rumors about Charlie from Melbourne, they’d apparently had suspicions, but he’d quickly squashed them, emphasizing how good Charlie was at his job. And now, dismissing the rumors worked in his favor because no one suspected they were stepping out together. Charlie made him smile and feel young again. He loved his hair and his smile and the sparkle in his intelligent eyes. He wished he could spend all of his time with him, enjoying when they worked on cases together because they instinctively knew what to do in their partnership. 

He’d purchased the watch for his birthday rather impulsively and had truly been surprised by how possessive he’d felt knowing Charlie wore it. It was like a dirty little secret. No one else would know who it came from but he was declaring his claim to those who knew what to look for. And then there was Blake who seemed able to read their thoughts. What scars was he talking about? And self-inflicted? Why would Charlie feel the need to hurt himself? The doctor at the psychiatric hospital who had worked with Violet Ashby had hurt himself as a way to deal with his emotions, and then there was the boy there who’d tried to slit his wrists. Was Charlie scared enough to do serious damage? He started walking faster, worry gnawing away at him.

Lucien watched for his friend and opened the door as soon as he got there directing him to Charlie’s room. Lucien seemed genuinely concerned which worried Matthew further. Matthew knocked on Charlie’s door, “Curly, it’s me.”

When there was no response he knocked again, trying the doorknob which was locked. He kept knocking, this time demanding, “Open this door or I’ll break it down. Charlie!”

He heard movement on the other side and relaxed slightly, worst fears relieved. Charlie opened the door a crack and Matthew could see his eyes were red. He reached a hand up to wipe away a tear, stopping when Charlie flinched away, looking at something over Matthew’s shoulder. Matthew looked too and saw Blake backing away with his hands up in an appeasing gesture. 

Matthew turned back to Charlie and forced his way into the room. “Matthew,” Charlie pleaded, backing away from him. Matthew followed, wrapping his arms around him despite Charlie’s half-hearted resistance. He brought one hand up to hold Charlie’s head against his shoulder. Charlie caved, sobbing in earnest, hands fisting in Matthew’s shirt against his back. Matthew did a cursory look around the room, stopping when he saw Charlie’s pocket knife open on his desk with blood on the blade. “Dammit, Charlie. What did you do?” He asked pulling away to examine the man.

“What?” Charlie sniffled. He stiffened when he realized what Matthew had seen. He moved to the desk, shoving the knife in a drawer before quickly putting the bed between him and Matthew.

“You don’t need to run away from me,” Matthew calmed. “I just want to be sure you’re all right. Please...” Matthew inched towards him. When he was close, Charlie pulled up the hem of his shirt, revealing a series of shallow cuts that were bleeding slightly. He reached for Charlie, but again Charlie flinched away. “Why?” He asked, voice small, worry evident.

Charlie shrugged, dropping his shirt back down. He crossed his arms, gaze dropping to the floor. Matthew gently pushed Charlie onto the bed. He left the room briefly, returning with something to clean and bandage the wound. “I don’t understand.” Matthew admitted as he worked.

“I don’t either. I just know it helps. It helps me feel in control again...when life is falling apart.”

“You’ve done this before?” Matthew asked, coming to sit beside him.

Charlie nodded, “When I first realized I liked men. I didn’t understand but I knew it was wrong. One of my teachers seemed to know and he helped me make sense of things and how to navigate the community and the like.”

“Did he,” Matthew cleared his throat. “Did he touch you?”

Charlie looked down at his hands and nodded. “He was the first. He showed me how to do it so you don’t get hurt.”

“Hurt?”

“It’s a little more involved than with women.”

“How old were you—when—”

“15. My brothers were still really young and life at home was awful. He helped me to function again.”

“Christ. 15? Charlie, you were still a boy.”

“It’s alright. Really. Anyway, I think someone found out because he cut me off. I went off the rails for a bit. Hurting myself helped me settle down. Until I started running which was more constructive.”

“Did you stepfather beat you because he found out? That you like men?”

Charlie nodded, looking up at him, “Why are you interested in me, Matthew?” His youth, agony, and heart were evident in his eyes. “I’m nobody.”

Matthew cupped Charlie’s cheek with one hand, “Because you are a force of life. You have a passion for helping others, you’re damn good at your job, you care in a way no one else does, because your smile lights up the room, I could get lost in your eyes and any time I see you, you make me happy.”

“Why are you willing to risk everything for me?”

Matthew kissed him intensely but briefly, “Because I love you.”

Charlie gasped, fear back in force. Matthew continued, “And because we shouldn’t live in fear of repercussions that may never come to be. I want more than anything to see how this goes in spite of everything. I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Matthew...” Charlie breathed.

Whatever Matthew saw in Charlie’s face caused him to pull away and stand. “If you don’t feel the same way, I understand.”

Charlie rushed after him, afraid to hope. Matthew’s back was to him but he placed a hand between his shoulder blades. “Matthew...I...love you too.” Charlie felt the muscles in Matthew’s back relax. “You’re amazing...perfect.”

“I don’t know about perfect, but I’ll accept ‘amazing’” Matthew said quietly, turning to face him again.

“We’re a mess aren’t we?”

“That we are, but I’m glad I’m doing this with you.”

Matthew ran a hand down Charlie’s chest, “Promise me that you won’t hurt yourself again.”

Charlie looked guilty, “Matthew...”  
“No, I mean it. I want you to come to me if you ever feel like it again. Or go for a run or something that doesn’t require you inflicting pain to yourself. Please.”

Matthew showed no signs of being swayed so Charlie admitted defeat, “I promise.”

Matthew kissed his forehead, hugging him close, “Are you feeling better?”

They sat on the bed again, this time Matthew sat against the headboard and Charlie nestled between his legs, back to Matthew’s chest. “Well?” Matthew pushed.

“If I’m honest, I’m still terrified. This is such a big secret.”

“Is it worth it?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you consider it worth it?”

Charlie mulled it over for a moment. “To be with you? Yes, it’s worth it.”

Charlie settled in to Matthew who wrapped his arms around him. “You’ve learned my deepest darkest secrets. Now I want some of yours.”

Matthew chuckled. “What do you want to know?”

 

They talked until they heard somebody come in the front door which was by Charlie’s bedroom. Charlie stiffened and Matthew soothed him, running a hand up and down Charlie’s arm. They heard the newcomer talking to Blake and assessed it to be Jean. “You’re stuck here now, you know,” Charlie whispered. “She’ll hear if you try to leave.”

“I could try sneaking out your window.”

Charlie snickered at the mental image. “What time do you have to be at the station tomorrow?”

“8”

“You’d have to leave early. Jean gets up at 5.” 

“Or I could wait until she falls asleep.”

“But what if Mattie comes back?”

“I’m sure Blake will help me sneak out.”

“When I first met you, I never would have imagined we’d discuss how to sneak you out of my room on a Thursday night.”

Matthew chuckled, burrowing into Charlie’s neck, arm wrapped around Charlie’s torso holding him tight against him. Charlie shivered at the sensation and leaned into it. He brought one hand to hold onto Matthew’s arm and the other gripped his thigh. “If we’re trying to be inconspicuous, this isn’t a good idea,” Matthew murmured as Charlie inadvertently rubbed against him.

Charlie groaned quietly, but Matthew continued, hands traveling south, “Then again, this could be a challenge for you.”

Charlie gasped, “Matthew...”

Matthew slipped a hand under Charlie’s pants, “My turn.”

Minutes later, Matthew clamped a hand over Charlie’s mouth as he came, squirming as he tried to ride out his orgasm in silence. He went limp against Matthew who kissed his cheek in comfort. There was a light knock on the door and Charlie whined but was too limp to do anything about it. Matthew could barely make out Blake saying, “Jean’s gone to bed if you want to leave.”

Matthew eased Charlie down so he was laying and pulled out his handkerchief to wipe his hand off working to ignore the tightness of his trousers. He cracked the door, “Thanks. I’ll just be a minute.”

He quickly settled Charlie into bed with a kiss on the forehead and turned out his light. Charlie didn’t seem keen to move. “Night. Love you,” Charlie murmured, half asleep already.

Lucien was in the hallway still listening for Jean. Matthew eased Charlie’s door closed and followed Blake outside. “How is he?” Blake asked.

“Better. He’s been worked over in the past, Lucien. It’s going to be a process and I don’t want you pushing.”

Blake held up his hands indicating he wouldn’t. “Come over for dinner tomorrow. Officially, that is. Maybe you can talk Charlie round to telling Jean and Mattie.”

“What did I just say about pushing?”

“Only if he wants to of course.”

“Good night, Blake.”

“Night, Matthew. See you tomorrow at dinner.”

“Very well, but if Charlie says no, that’s the end of it.”

“Agreed.”


	7. Chapter 7

Lawson knocked on the door around six o’clock and Mattie answered. “Superintendent, come in. Dinner’s almost ready.”

She bounced down the hall to the dining room. Looking in Charlie’s room as he passed, Matthew saw him walking to the door. “So?” Matthew asked, referencing the question he’d asked Charlie earlier.

“Do you want to tell them?”

“It’d be nice to be able to see you somewhere other than my house.”

“Do you trust them? Are they going to handle it well?”

“Now that I do not know.”

Blake appeared from the surgery. “Ah, Lawson. Charlie. Good to see you. Now, how ‘bout it?”

Charlie still couldn’t look Lucien in the eye and the doctor noticed. “If you think they’ll handle it well then yeah, we can tell them.”

“Good.” 

“If you’re quite finished,” Jean called down the hall, “Dinner’s ready.”

The men got to the table and sat down. Blake in his usual chair at the head of the table, Mrs. Beazley and Mattie on either side of him with Charlie and Matthew beside them respectively. There was a tension that kept growing in the room despite Mattie and Jean’s attempts at conversation. Unable to take it any longer, Blake said, “Jean. Mattie. Charlie and Matthew have something they’d like to tell you.”

The women turned expectantly in time to see all the blood drain from Charlie’s face at the same time Matthew’s face flushed. Matthew and Charlie were looking at Blake one terrified, the other furious. The food Charlie had been able to eat found it’s way up into his throat. “I can’t,” he declared, getting up from the table and rushing to the bathroom where they heard him retching. The women were instantly concerned. “Matthew?” Jean asked.

“Dammit, Blake. I said no pushing.” Matthew threw his napkin on the table before following Charlie to check on him.

“Lucien, what is going on?” Jean demanded.

“The uh...the evenings Charlie’s been gone, he hasn’t been with a girl. He’s been with Matthew.”

Meanwhile, Matthew had reached Charlie and was rubbing his back in soothing circles. He’d finished heaving, sitting on the floor of the bathroom. They heard Blake’s explanation followed by Mattie’s, “What do you mean?”

“Do you remember those traveling salesman we bought the vacuum cleaner from?”

“Yes,” Jean replied tentatively.

“Well, Charlie and Matthew are...together.”

Matthew and Charlie knew the moment they understood because there were twin gasps. Mattie exclaimed, “Davis and Lawson?”

Matthew took Charlie’s hand and gripped it tight. Charlie’s expression looked like he was in agony and for the first time he saw fear in Matthew’s eyes. They didn’t hear anyone say anything but they heard the clicking of heels on the kitchen floor before they headed towards them. Charlie shrunk behind Matthew who stood to face Jean, bracing himself for whatever happened. Neither man expected her to squat down and offer Charlie a glass of water. 

“I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me,” she said softly. “My opinion of you both has not changed,” she emphasized standing again. “If you’re feeling better, please come join us at the table.”

They heard her return to the kitchen and turned to look at each other. Matthew reached and wiped the cold sweat off Charlie’s was forehead. “Sometimes I hate when he’s right,” he murmured, referring to Blake. “But I guess this is one area we should have trusted the good doctor more. Ready?”

Charlie nodded and Matthew helped him stand, making sure he was steady on his feet. Matthew purposefully took Charlie’s hand in his for the short walk back. Mattie was staring intently at her plate, hands in her lap. Jean and Lucien both smiled softly when they reappeared and when they sat down, resumed eating. Matthew was eating too but all Charlie could do was move his food around on his plate. Mattie was doing the same and everyone was watching out of the corner of their eyes to see how she’d react.

Jean and Lucien started a conversation Matthew weighed in on from time to time. Charlie had never been more grateful for a meal to finish. He stood and helped Mrs. Beazley clear the dishes. Jean said, “Mattie, will you get out the dessert dishes and Lucien please start cutting and serving this apple pie.”

“Anything I can do?” Matthew asked.

“No. You’re the guest.”

For whatever reason, her remark made Charlie snort before erupting in giggles and the tension in the room broke immediately. Everyone else started chuckling too and things went more or less back to normal. They ate dessert together then moved into the living room to watch Game of Champions. 

Matthew and Charlie sat on the sofa with Jean, gradually inching closer and closer until Matthew interlaced his fingers with Charlie’s and Charlie leaned in to him, not quite able to relax all the way. Charlie saw Mattie looking over at them periodically with an assessing gaze, but worked to ignore it.

Throughout the show, Lucien and Matthew had a competition over who could get the most questions right between the two of them. At one point Matthew got stuck on a question and Charlie whispered the answer in his ear. “Hey! That’s cheating,” Blake protested but still allowed Matthew the point. When the show ended, Blake disappeared to work on something in his surgery. Mattie bid everyone good night, heading to her room to study. “Jean!” Blake called, “Could I get your help with something?”

Jean rolled her eyes with a sigh but set aside her mending and joined him. Matthew moved his hand to massage Charlie’s neck. Charlie maneuvered himself so he could face him. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?” He asked.

“No plans, currently.”

“Can I make you dinner?”

“At my place?”

Charlie nodded, bringing a hand to Matthew’s chest. He snatched it back when he heard Jean returning. “Oh don’t mind me,” she said. “Just getting my mending.”

She disappeared again and Matthew waited until Charlie looked at him. “What time do you want to come over?”

Charlie shrugged, “I was going to go for a run in the morning but that’s it.”

“Can I join you?”

“You run?”

Matthew smirked, “haven’t in a while but it’d be good for me. And I’d be with you.”

Charlie smiled back, “I usually go early.”

“If you recall, I usually am up before you.”

“Hey, in my defense, I was healing from a life-threatening injury. I’ll need to stop by the store too to pick up food.”

“We can swing by after the run.”

“Together?”

Matthew made his token half frown, half smile. “You’re right. We probably shouldn’t be seen together outside of work, yet.”

Charlie looked behind him to make sure they were still alone before leaning forward and kissing him. Matthew’s arms wrapped around him as he reciprocated. Charlie found himself practically on Matthew’s lap before he pulled away. He rested his forehead against Matthew’s. “It feels weird to do this knowing there’s people nearby,” Charlie whispered.

“Hmm,” Matthew replied. “Practice makes perfect?”

Charlie kissed him again before removing himself completely. Matthew sighed, “I should go. Especially if we’re getting up early.”

“I’ll see you at your place first thing in the morning.”

Matthew smiled, standing and pulled Charlie with him. They wrapped an arm around each other, leaning against the other as they headed towards the door. Blake and Jean were talking quietly in the waiting room of the surgery but stood and came to them. Matthew and Charlie pulled apart and Matthew shook Lucien’s hand. “Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Beazley,” Matthew said.

“Please, Matthew. Call me Jean. We’ll have to do this more often.”

Matthew looked to Charlie whose ears had turned pink. “I’d like that,” he replied. 

Matthew left and Jean locked the door after him. She turned and saw Charlie looking at his shoes again and even Lucien looked uncomfortable. Jean huffed, “I think the two of you need to talk so I’ll be heading to bed.’

“Thank you, Mrs. Beazley,” Charlie echoed. 

Jean smiled softly and squeezed his arm affectionately. “Of course, Charlie. This is your home now and I would hope you feel comfortable enough to be yourself here.”

Charlie’s eyes teared and Jean impulsively hugged him. He returned the embrace grateful for her. Jean headed off leaving Charlie alone with Blake.

“Charlie,” he said softly, “Why don’t you come in and we can chat.”

Charlie felt his hands start sweating but he made himself follow the doctor. “How are you feeling?” Blake asked. 

“If I’m honest? Exhausted.’

“I’m sure. Do you wish I hadn’t told them?”

“Yes. No...I don’t know. The more people who know, the more at risk we are.”

“Do you really think we’d turn you in?”

“Matthew has a lot to lose.”

“So do you.”  
“No, not really.”

“Sure you do, but I’m not going to argue with you on that point.Why are you scared of me?”

Charlie jumped, “I’m not.” He looked stricken. How could the doctor see right through him?

“Yes you are. As soon as your started with Matthew, you started pulling away from me.”

Charlie merely cleared his throat in response.

“Have I ever given you reason?”

Charlie cleared his throat again, “Any time a man I respected found out...they never responded well.”

“They hurt you?”

“In some cases. In others they merely cut me off.”

“I’m sorry, Charlie.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“No, but you still didn’t deserve it.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I haven’t seen Matthew this happy since we were kids.”

Charlie nodded but Lucien continued, “Was I right to be worried about you last night?”

“Doc?”  
“I saw Your scars when you were in hospital and drew conclusions. Were they correct?”

 

Charlie flushed and his face grew hard, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”

Charlie’s fingers itched, wanting to scratch the new cuts from last night but he forced himself to keep his hands still. “Thank you for calling Matthew,” he finally said. “It wouldn’t have been good if I’d been alone.” He wasn’t able to look at the Doc but when he saw the doctors arm out of the corner of his eye, coming for him, he flinched even though he knew all Blake would do was squeeze his shoulder. Which he did, but Charlie was still on edge. 

“I’m sorry life hasn’t been kind to you thus far, but I want you to know you’re safe here.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

 

Charlie was just about to turn off his light when there was a soft knock on his door. He answered it finding a guilty looking Mattie on the other side. “Can I come in?”

Charlie nodded and opened the door wider. Mattie sat on the chair at the desk and Charlie sat on the edge of the bed. “Would you mind if I asked you some questions?” She asked. 

“As long as I can reserve the right not to answer if I don’t want to.”

“Fair enough. When did you know?”

“About Matthew or about men in general.”

“In general?”

“In secondary when the hormones started hitting. My friends were always talking about girls but I was just interested in spending time with them.”

“How many people know?”

Charlie looked down, “Not many. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. My stepfather knows, one of my old teachers. There’s been a few men I’ve,” he paused to clear his throat, “been with...on occasion.”

“But Lawson is the first one who meant anything?”

“Yes.”

“What would happen if you were found out?”

“At the very least, we’d lose our jobs. Worst we’d go to prison for indecent and perverted acts.”

“Charlie,” she said sympathetically. “Why risk it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just pretend you like women?”

“I’ve tried. And that’s what I had planned to do when I moved out here.”

“But instead you met the Superintendent?”

Charlie nodded. 

“Do you love him?”

Charlie took in a shaky breath, “God help me, I do.”

“And you’re happy together?”

Smiling now, Charlie replied, “Yeah. I’ve never felt like this before.”

Mattie smiled too, but didn’t say anything more. 

“Out of questions?” Charlie asked.

“For now. I’ve just never known a homosexual before.”

“We generally try to keep it hidden.”

“Of course. Well, I should probably head to bed. Thank you, Charlie.”

“Good night, Mattie.”

Mattie left and Charlie found himself wide awake, despite his exhaustion.


	8. Chapter 8

Charlie knocked on Matthew’s door about half past six in the morning, feeling awful. And judging by Matthew’s face, he looked awful too.

“What happened to you?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Don’t wanna run.” Charlie was practically pouting as he pushed inside. He went to the living room and collapsed on the sofa. 

Matthew chuckled, “I’ll just change then.”

Charlie groaned noncommittally. 

“The bed’s comfier, come on,” Matthew said, pulling him up and practically dragging Charlie to his room he plopped him on the bed. He worked off Charlie’s jacket and shoes. Charlie immediately grabbed Matthew’s pillow and buried his face in it. He laid down and began snoring almost immediately. Smiling, Matthew changed back into his sleeping clothes and joined Charlie, spreading a blanket across them both. He hadn’t slept well the night before either and was soon asleep as well. 

 

Charlie woke first for once. He sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Matthew was beside him on the bed, turned towards him but his eyes were still closed. His eyelashes were fanned against his cheeks. Charlie loved his cheek bones. They were so unique to him. His hair was ruffled helping him look softer than normal. Charlie reached forward and brushed it off his forehead. Matthew stirred and piercing green eyes met soft blue. 

“Time’s it?” Matthew asked, closing his eyes and burrowing back into the pillow. Charlie looked at the clock, “Almost ten.”

Matthew reached out and pulled Charlie back to him, eyes still closed, and wrapped himself around him, nose in his neck, arms around his torso and legs intertwined. Charlie burrowed right back. “You need a shave,” Matthew grumbled. Charlie rubbed his cheek against him to be annoying, not letting go when Matthew tried to pull away. Matthew wrestled with him until he’d pinned Charlie on his back and hovered over him. “Then again, the scruff suits you.”

Charlie reached up for a kiss and Matthew obliged, pushing Charlie back into the mattress. Charlie’s hands sneaked up under Matthew’s shirt, eventually pulling it off of him. He ran his fingers through his chest hair, reveling in the ability to touch him. “You’re magnificent,” he breathed and Matthew smirked.

Matthew pulled off Charlie’s shirt and began kissing lightly down his torso, touching each mole and freckle. “You’re skin is so pale,” he murmured against his belly. Charlie writhed, wanting more. When Matthew licked over his nipple, Charlie hissed then moaned. Matthew’s hands roamed lower and Charlie whimpered when he unbuttoned his pants. Matthew was torturing him, moving slowly, drawing out the anticipation. “You said for men, it’s different?”

“You have to—” Charlie gasped at something Matthew did, “Prep so you don’t tear...Normally, I bottom.”

“Bottom?”

“It’s the same as women, just a different hole.”

“Ah,” Matthew said, still keeping him on edge. “What do I need to do?”

“Do you have any petroleum jelly?” 

Matthew murmured in the affirmative, pulling away and leaving Charlie panting. He was back quickly, “Now what do I do?”

Charlie tried to take if from him, but Matthew pulled it back, “Just tell me what to do.”

Charlie gave him a doubtful look but Matthew seemed resolute. Charlie explained, “You take a glob and gradually work until you can fit a couple fingers in. Probably three for you.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

Charlie huffed, flipping onto his stomach. He heard Matthew open the tin but still startled when he felt his hand. Matthew was very attentive and didn’t rush things, taking direction well. When he brushed Charlie’s prostate the man jumped with a yelp. “Did I hurt you?” Matthew asked immediately.

“No. Quite the opposite.”

“Hmm, I’ve got three fingers, now what?”

Charlie moaned, “Use some more on your cock and then...” he trailed off, watching as Lawson shirked his pants. He did as Charlie bade, comping to drape over him. Charlie turned far enough for lips to kiss and slowly Matthew entered him.

“You’re so tight. Are you sure I’m not hurting you?”

“I’m fine, don’t stop.”

It was Matthew’s turn to gasp once he was fully inside. “Wait,” Charlie asked. “It’s been awhile, I just need a minute.”

Matthew started kissing down Charlie’s back, hands running up and down his sides before reaching around to Charlie’s cock, stroking slowly. Charlie whimpered, “Ok, move please. Oh God,” he breathed when Matthew did so.

Matthew moved slowly at first gradually picking up speed as he found his rhythm. It didn’t take long before Charlie came undone with a cry, tightening around Matthew who groaned. As Charlie finished, Matthew felt himself close. Charlie reached back, gripping Matthew’s neck with one hand. Matthew wrapped himself around Charlie as his release hit.

They collapsed into the bed, turning on their sides. “That was...” Matthew panted, “Unlike anything...”

Charlie gave an affirmative mumble, wrapping Matthew’s arm around himself. Matthew’s phone started ringing and both men groaned. Matthew stumbled out of bed, taking a blanket with him for modesty’s sake. “Lawson—bloody hell—I’ll be there in half an hour—No, he’s not on call, get Hobart.”

“No,” Charlie whined when Matthew came in, cleaned himself up, and started dressing in his uniform. 

“I’m sorry,” Matthew said, giving him a quick kiss. “I need to go manage a crime scene.”

“Need me to go with?”

“No, Hobart’s on duty this weekend.”

“Home for dinner?”

“Hopefully.”

“I’ll swing by the store and have food ready at six.”

Matthew clasped his belt around his jacket and kissed Charlie again before picking up his hat. He looked back at Charlie who smirked, “You need to fix your hair.”

Lawson darted into the bathroom, groaning when he saw the state of his hair. He quickly combed it and put in fresh hair wax. “Presentable?” He asked Charlie who nodded. Matthew smiled, “I like having you naked in my bed.”

Charlie blushed and Matthew was amazed by how far down the flush went. “You’re gonna be late.” Charlie chastised. Matthew kissed him again before finally leaving.

 

That evening Matthew made it home just after 5:30. He walked into a wonderful smelling dinner. He found Charlie in the kitchen, apron tied around his waist, stirring a pot of something on the stove. “Welcome home!” Charlie called with a grin.

Matthew came up and hugged him from behind. He noticed Charlie’s feet were bare and it felt so intimate. “I like coming home to you.”

Charlie leaned into him, “Everything all right?” Referring to the case.

Matthew nodded, “More or less. I don’t want to talk about work though.”

Charlie reached back for a kiss. “Dinner’ll be ready soon. Go change and relax for a bit.” Matthew burrowed his face in Charlie’s neck and kissed tenderly causing Charlie to tremble. “Stop,” he complained, “I don’t wanna burn the food.”

Matthew kissed him again before heading off with a smirk. After dinner, they watched television, for once Matthew was using Charlie as a pillow. Charlie was oblivious to what was on the telly, completely mesmerized by Matthew’s hair and the lines of his face. He decided he liked seeing Matthew rumpled, it was something that was solely his. Charlie began gently tracing patterns on Matthew’s face.

“What are you doing?” Matthew mumbled.

“Memorizing you.”

Matthew rolled his eyes, “It’s distracting.”

“Want me to stop?”

“Did I say that?”

It was Charlie’s turn to roll his eyes. He kissed Matthew’s forehead before returning to his task. When the show was over, Matthew sat up, “Wanna stay the night?”

“I promised Mrs. Beazley I’d help her with her garden in the morning.” 

Matthew smiled softly, “You’re amazing.”

“What?” Charlie was flabbergasted by the change in conversation. 

“You go above and beyond for everyone.”

“Not above and beyond. I do what anyone else would.”

“Do you really think Hobart would get up early to help Mrs. Beazley with her flowers?”

Charlie chuckled, “Probably not, but it’d be great to see.”

Matthew stood and Charlie asked, “What is it?”

“I’ve got something for you. Hold still.”

Matthew returned, holding something small in one of his hands. Charlie reached up to accept it. It was metallic and Charlie was thoroughly surprised. It was a key. Looking up at Matthew, he wasn’t sure he interpreted it accurately. “Is this a key to your house?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s so you don’t have to knock or wait for me to come home. You’re welcome here.”

Charlie was humbled. Standing he wrapped Matthew in his arms, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I love you, Matthew. Thank you.”

“I love you too,” Matthew returned the embrace, one hand working it’s way up into Charlie’s hair.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was meant to be a one shot...but then it just kept going...

“Wait, you lived at Connelly’s Boarding House?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

Matthew turned back to what he was doing with a huff but no explanation. He was definitely upset though and for the life of him Charlie couldn’t understand. “Matthew?”

Matthew cleared his throat before with a strained voice, “Did you have your own room or did you share?”

“I shared. We all did.”

Some of the tension left Matthew’s shoulders. Charlie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Matthew took a moment before asking, “Did you know? About Connelly?”

“What about him?”

“That he...is...”

“That he prefers male lovers?”

Matthew stiffened again and Charlie chuckled, trying to hide his amusement when Matthew pulled away with a huff. “Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You are, aren’t you?”

Matthew turned to glare at him but Charlie could see hurt in his eyes too. Matthew crossed his arms and looked at the floor. Charlie hugged him again but Matthew made no move to reciprocate. “I’m sorry for teasing.”

Matthew still didn’t loosen his stance so Charlie continued, “Why does it matter?”

Matthew shrugged.

“You know I was with other men before you.”

Matthew tried to pull away again, “Yes.”

“Why does the thought of Frank and I together bother you?”

“I don’t know.”

Charlie opted to ease his misery slightly but still wanted to poke the bear a bit, “He wanted to.”

Matthew growled, causing Charlie to smile again. “We even kissed...” Matthew finally met his eyes again, pain radiating from him. “But it never went beyond that. The kiss was enough to tell us we weren’t compatible.”

Matthew still looked dejected so Charlie attempted another tactic, “Now our first kiss...different story. They say the first kiss tells you all you need to know and you took my breath away. If I’m honest, I was scared when I heard the lock click in the file room.”

“I never meant to scare you,” Matthew said quietly.

Charlie started describing his memory, explanation briefly interrupted by kisses pressed to the parts of Matthew he could reach, purposefully avoiding his lips. “You pushed me against the shelves. I thought we were going to knock something over. I couldn’t get enough air in. All I could do was hold on. Your hands were in my hair and I wanted you to take me right then. I was so grateful our hips weren’t touching. I remember I tried to push you farther than you were ready for and you ended the kiss.”

“I’d never had anyone try to stick their tongue in my mouth.

Charlie chuckled and licked Matthew’s ear. Matthew groaned and pulled away, rubbing his ear dry. “What was that for?”

Charlie smirked, “Because I knew it’d lighten the mood.”

“You’re gross.”

“How long are you planning on pouting for?”

Matthew glared at him, sitting in his chair. Charlie followed and straddled his lap facing him. Even though Matthew was upset, he brought his hands up to make sure Charlie didn’t fall. “Why are you so worked up?” Charlie asked, all humor aside.

Matthew looked down at Charlie’s chest, brow furrowed. Charlie made himself wait for an answer. “Because it was someone I know. The men from before, they’re just faceless, nameless, but Connelly...What if you had hit it off?”

“But we didn’t.”

“But you could have.”

“But we didn’t. Because I was obviously meant to be with you.”

“What if—”

Charlie maneuvered until he was sitting sideways, legs over the side of the chair so he could tuck himself against Matthew. “What if—what?”

“If you hadn’t been shot, I wouldn’t have realized how I felt about you.”

“So you’re saying you’re glad I was shot?”

“No, of course not.”

“I took a bullet for you and you’re saying it was necessary.”

“Quit twisting my words, Curly. Let me get it out.”

Charlie relaxed back into him and Matthew tightened his hold, idly running his hand along Charlie’s arm. “When you fell and I realized what had happened, at first I was mad—at you, at the shooter, and then you took forever to wake up. As the minutes ticked by the anger turned to fear and I realized what my feelings were towards you. And then I tried to talk myself out of it. There’s so much at risk and then you woke up and almost put words to it and just knowing—I—I thought it would be enough. And then the weeks you were out I assumed would make them go away but then you came back. Seeing you back at your desk—you were laughing at something Martin had said and it was like a punch to the gut.”

“You never told me that.”

“You take my breath away and I don’t understand it.”

“I love you.”

Matthew pressed a kiss to Charlie’s forehead. “I love you too. That’s why the thought of you with someone else bothers me so much, because we almost missed our chance.”

Charlie ran a hand over Matthew’s chest, not feeling the need to say anything else.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a murder at the local state school, Ballarat West. Charlie didn’t understand Matthew’s instant tension but he sensed it, and he wasn’t the only one. Charlie tried to meet his eye but Matthew avoided him, sending him on ahead while he waited for Blake. 

At the school, the girl who had found the dead headmaster had been very distressed so Charlie called Mattie to help calm her down. By the time Matthew and Lucien arrived, Charlie had taken everyone’s statements. They went into the man’s office as Blake did his cursory examination. Matthew was still avoiding eye contact but Charlie could tell something was wrong. Matthew sent him off to do something and Charlie did begrudgingly, only to be faced with the deputy headmaster out in the hall. He looked like he had been in a fight and Charlie figured Matthew would want to talk to him. 

“Can I help you, sir?” Charlie asked the man.

“I’m Donald McAvoy, deputy head. I’d like to speak to your boss if I could.”

Charlie nodded, going back into the office, “Boss, the deputy head wants to speak with you. Name’s McAvoy.”

Charlie saw Lucien’s jaw drop, “No, it can’t be.”

Charlie looked to Matthew hoping for clarification but was given none so he offered, “Looks like he’s been in a fight.”

Matthew sighed, heading out into the corridor. Charlie hadn’t seen him like this before. If he didn’t know better, he’d say he was posturing. The man was a good head shorter than Matthew, but he still had some sort of power over him. What was the history there?

They took McAvoy to the station and put him in an interview room. Charlie took notes while Matthew conducted the interview. Charlie’s blood ran cold and his face hardened when McAvoy said, “We used to corner him behind the bike sheds. Wanna know why we called him Splashie?”

Charlie liked this man even less. He made himself avoid looking at Matthew even though he wished he could take him somewhere to talk with him. The man was being an arse and Charlie didn’t like the look on Matthew’s face. Matthew eventually left the room in a huff, leaving Charlie alone with McAvoy who turned his sliminess on him. 

“How long you worked here?”

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business.”

“What do you think of the Superintendent? He’s done well for himself hasn’t he.”

“Superintendent Lawson is a good man.”

McAvoy chuckled, “Wasn’t always. He used to be a piece of work.” Charlie felt tension mounting in his shoulders. How long was he going to have to be alone with him? “Wanna know why we called him Splashie?” He repeated.

“Not really.”

“Come on, mate. Don’t want a bit of dirt on your Boss?”

“No.”

Lawson came storming back in with a smug look on his face, Blake following closely behind. Matthew demanded McAvoy take off his shoes and Charlie was worried he’d lost his mind. McAvoy turned his attention to Lucien whom he also seemed to know, although he called him ‘Lucy.’ Did this man have no imagination?

McAvoy toed off his shoes and when Matthew bent down to pick them up he had the audacity to tell him to polish them. McAvoy was lucky Blake was in the room otherwise Charlie was pretty sure Matthew would have knocked him flat. Lucien was able to get a dig in, whatever was between McAvoy and Matthew wasn’t between him and Blake. Must have happened after Blake had been sent off to boarding school then.

Blake went off to run some more tests and Matthew laid into McAvoy again. They were interrupted by Ned letting Matthew know Blake needed to talk to him and Charlie was told to take McAvoy down to the cells. He didn’t want to be alone with the man anymore, but figured it was better if he did it than if Matthew did.

“Davis, I need you and Blake to go search Lennox’s house.”

“Boss—” There were still too many people around but Charlie really wanted answers. Matthew didn’t seem inclined to given them. With a sigh, Charlie left. 

At Lennox’s house, Charlie tried to get something out of the doctor, but he wasn’t volunteering any information either. They searched McAvoy’s next before returning to the station to report to Lawson.

Matthew wasn’t being logical. Charlie knew him well enough by now to know that Matthew was aware of the fact, but he wouldn’t let go of the possibility that McAvoy was the murderer. Now he was keeping him in the cells overnight. Charlie and Lucien shared a look. “What if we don’t find anything—” Charlie tried to ask but Matthew stormed out yelling, “We’ll deal with it tomorrow!”

Charlie felt like Matthew’d hit him. He’d never blocked him out before and Charlie was hurt if he was honest. He felt the other constables looking at him hoping for some kind of explanation but he had none. 

He went home for the evening, debating if he should go to Matthew’s. Lucien didn’t seem too concerned, but Charlie had never seen Matthew like this. He ate dinner then made excuses, heading over to Matthew’s. He had an overnight bag on his shoulder and the key in his hand but wasn’t sure if he could really use it. He saw Matthew’s car in his drive so that was a good sign. The curtains were all closed and Charlie’s heart fell a little. He knocked, hoping for some kind of response. He waited a moment but didn’t hear any movement. With a deep breath, he used the key and walked in. The house was in darkness even though the sun was setting. He turned the light on in the hallway calling out Matthew’s name. There was no response at first, but finally Matthew said, “In here, Curly.”

Charlie moved into the living room and found Matthew in one of his armchairs, nursing a bottle of whisky that was almost empty. Charlie crouched down in front of him, taking the bottle from Matthew’s loose hold. “Matthew? Please talk to me.” He asked gently.

Matthew sighed and Charlie could smell the alcohol on his breath. “McAvoy and I went to school together. He was a bully and I was a particular favorite of his to torment.”

“You know he probably didn’t kill Lennox though, right?”

“Yeah. I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t want him to be guilty.”

Charlie rubbed his hands along Matthew’s thighs and meeting Matthew’s eyes saw they were damp. “What’d he do to you?”

“Like he said, they’d corner me behind the bike sheds and beat me. They’d make me polish their shoes and out of nowhere, if there were no teachers around, he’d belt me. Once I wet myself and he never let me live it down.”

“That’s where ‘Splashie’ comes from?”

Matthew murmured an affirmative. Charlie stood, coming along beside him and wrapped his arms around him. “He has no power over you anymore you know.” Matthew nodded. “And you’re more of a man than he’ll ever be. He’ll never amount to anything more than an overgrown bully.”

Matthew leaned in to him, “I know. But seeing him...there...I was twelve again.”

Charlie pressed a kiss to his temple and Matthew brought a hand up to hang on Charlie’s arm. With the alcohol, he was feeling shaky, and was doubting himself. Ordinarily he didn’t drink so much but he had hoped it would help. Charlie coming over had been the balm he needed. He had been wallowing in self-pity but Charlie was his light in a storm. “I love you,” Charlie murmured into his hair, sitting on the arm of the chair. Matthew turned slightly so he could bury his face into Charlie’s stomach and Charlie held him close. 

“Thank you.” 

Charlie ran his hand through Matthew’s hair, offering what comfort he could. After a moment, Matthew asked, “Charlie? Can we...Will you...let me...bottom?”

Charlie’s stomach lurched. Was Matthew really asking him that? He pulled away, waiting for Matthew to look up at him. When their eyes met, Matthew looked lost, and drunk. “Matthew...are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to if you’re only doing this because you’ve been drinking.”

“I want to know what it’s like. And I trust you.”

Charlie leaned forward slowly and kissed him, tasting the whisky still on his lips. Matthew stood, a little shaky on his feet but leaned against Charlie, arms coming around him. Lips and tongues and hands wandered and danced and intertwined. Matthew untucked Charlie’s shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. Charlie gasped when the back of Matthew’s knuckles brushed over one of his nipples. Matthew heard it and turned his attention to it, running his tongue over it and Charlie’s hands fisted in Matthew’s hair. 

Matthew was still in his uniform, apart from his hat and coat. Charlie worked at his tie tossing it onto the chair. Matthew worked Charlie’s shirt off his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Charlie didn’t want to take the time to unbutton Matthew’s shirt fully, Instead he opened the top few buttons and then pulled it over his head, taking his undershirt with it too. Matthew raised his arms to help, hands working their way into Charlie’s hair as he started kissing him again. 

“We should probably move this into the bedroom,” Charlie suggested, panting slightly. No matter how many times they’d been intimate, Charlie still couldn’t believe that he could touch Matthew in such a way—the only one who could. Once in the bedroom, Charlie dropped to his knees and reached for the button on Matthew’s trousers to open them, rubbing his erection through the fabric before he did. Matthew hissed, hands on Charlie’s shoulders. Charlie dropped Matthew’s pants, reaching for his cock. He gave it a few pumps before leaning forward and running his tongue up the underside. 

“What are you doing?” Matthew asked, concerned.

Charlie smirked, “I still have a lot to show you.”

 

After they were both sated, Charlie ran into the bathroom for a cloth and cleaned the pair of them up. “Stay, please.” Matthew asked softly. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Charlie assured, wrapping himself around Matthew, his chest to Matthew’s back. 

Matthew woke the following morning with a roaring headache. He heard Charlie puttering around the kitchen and before he even sat up, Charlie was there with a cup of tea prepared just how he took it. “How are you feeling?” Charlie asked gently. 

Matthew moved to sit against the headboard, gasping when he realized there were sensations he wasn’t used too from their adventures the night before. Charlie had been right, there was still much he had to learn. Matthew took a sip of tea, resting his head against one of his hands. Charlie disappeared again, returning with some bex for the headache and other lingering twinges. “I’ve got a breakfast casserole in the oven. Should be ready soon. You ready for today?”

“You mean McAvoy?”

“Him, and the school, and everything else.”

“I have to be, don’t I?” 

Charlie leaned forward and kissed him, before going for his overnight bag which was still where he’d dropped it in the living room. Seeing the clothes they had left there the night before, he couldn’t stop the blush that stole over his cheeks. He gathered them and his bag and headed back for the bedroom only to hear Matthew retching into the toilet. He got a glass of water from the kitchen and came back to the bathroom to see if there was anything he could do to help. Matthew gave him a dirty look.

“It’s what you get for drinking your weight in whisky,” Charlie chastised. 

Matthew groaned, retching again. Charlie left him to it, getting dressed for the day and heading to the kitchen to check on breakfast. He was sitting down to eat and drink his own cup of tea when Matthew appeared, halfway dressed for the day but still looking a little green around the gills. Matthew looked at the food but the thought of eating made him want to gag again. “How ‘bout some toast?” Charlie offered. 

Matthew shook his head, sitting and pouring himself more tea. “Drinking seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

By the end of the day, they’d closed the case, but it had meant a long day for everybody. They were the last ones at the station, even Blake and Mattie had left when the Wootons had. Matthew was sitting at his desk working on paperwork. Charlie walked in after closing up the rest of the station. Matthew looked up at him and offered a small smile. Charlie noticed McAvoy’s shoes were still on his desk but opted not to say anything. Knowing nobody else was in the building, Charlie came alongside him and leaned against Matthew, one hand rubbing his shoulders. “You ok?”

“More or less.” 

Charlie realized Matthew was staring at McAvoy’s shoes, “How much more do you have before you can go home?”

“Well I’m off tomorrow so I need to finish everything tonight.”

“Want me to stay?”

“No, I’m ok. Go on home.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Want to come over for dinner? After work?”

“I’d love too.” Charlie looked and listened around quickly, making sure they were alone before kissing him. 

Matthew looked up at him tenderly. “Thank you, Curly. For everything.”

Charlie cupped his cheek briefly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Oh no,” Charlie whispered, stiffening. He and Matthew were in Charlie’s room at Blake’s house and Matthew could sense his instant distress. Charlie had received another letter from his mother.

“What is it?”

“They’re coming to visit. All of them.”

“Your family?”

Charlie nodded, “Apparently Bernie got some time off a work. They’re coming Friday.”

“As in two days from now?”

Charlie nodded, “I’m rostered on this weekend. Although I guess that’s a blessing in disguise.”

“How long are they staying?”

“A week. Mom wanted to know if there’s somewhere I know they could stay other than a hotel.”

“I’d offer my house but I’m not sure they’d be interested.”

“My mom doesn’t know.”

“About us?”

“About any of it.”

“Your stepfather didn’t tell her?”

“He was hoping to beat it out of me before she found out.”

Matthew felt Charlie trembling slightly and pulled him closer. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I know that.”

“How do you think your mom will respond?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Charlie burrowed his head in Matthew’s chest. “I don’t want to do this.”

“But you’ll get to see your brothers. I know you’ve been missing them.”

Charlie sat up again, “I’m going to go talk with Mrs Beazley.”

He found both Dr. Blake and Mrs. Beazley in the kitchen. “Doc, Mrs. Beazley, I have a favor to ask. I just found out my family is coming to town for awhile. Would it be possible for them to have some of their meals here?”

“How wonderful,” Jean said. “It will be nice to meet your family. How many will be added?” 

“My mom, my stepfather, and my two younger brothers.” 

“And how long are they staying? Where are they staying?”

“They’re getting here Friday and will be here a week. They’ll probably find a hotel. I don’t want to impose and there’s not really any room here.” 

“What about Matthew’s house?” Blake asked.

Charlie’s eyes filled with pain he tried to mask, as he stammered out, “They don’t know about Matthew.”

Neither one said anything, sharing a look that contained an entire conversation. Blake came over and put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie continued, “My stepfather knows that I,” he cleared his throat, “About my preferences, but my mother doesn’t.”

“Are you planning on telling her?” Jean asked gently.

Charlie shrugged one shoulder. Matthew came in as Blake thought aloud, “If you stayed with Matthew, your parents could stay in your room and we could set your brothers up in the living room.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience you. Really. It’s a lot to ask of anyone. Especially when they’re not your family and I’m working this weekend.” Charlie emphasized.

“Nonsense,” Jean said, “it’s not often we have company and they’re your family.”

“And you’re welcome at my house,” Matthew input. “We can tell them you’re in my spare bedroom.”

Charlie flushed brighter than anyone had seen him before. “I should apologize ahead of time. My stepfather is an arse with no filter.”

Everyone smiled sympathetically at him and Matthew wrapped an arm around him. “You’re not alone in this, Charlie.”

With that settled, Charlie called his mom. Everyone listened in to his side of the conversation and could see the tension in his shoulders. “No Mom, I’ll see you as much as I can and I’ll be over in the evenings and during the day when I’m not working but you didn’t really give me a lot of notice...The doctor is being kind enough to open up his home for you and unless you want to stay in a hotel, this is what we can do...it’s just down the road...I work with him...I’m not sure how often he can join us...What time does your bus get in? 

“Yes I’ll be able to meet you there...ok, see you in a couple days...love you too.”

Charlie hung up the phone and instantly turned to Matthew, burying his face against his chest. Dr. Blake offered, “You’re welcome to borrow the car, Charlie, to pick them up from the station.”

“Thanks, Doc. Will you make sure Mattie knows?”

“Of course.”

 

Charlie was waiting nervously, standing on the boardwalk, watching for the bus from Melbourne. As the bus pulled up, he could see his brothers waving from the windows. He couldn’t help but smile. It was so good to see them again. As soon as they could, the two preteen boys were throwing themselves at Charlie for hugs. Charlie started laughing, squeezing them tight and ruffling their hair. You’ve both grown so much!”

“Mom says I’ll be as tall as you soon,” Thomas, the elder of the two said. 

“I’m sure she’s right.”

“Thomas, Raymond, come help your mom with your bags.”

The boys bounded back to the bus and Charlie’s stomach dropped as he saw the scowl on his stepfather’s face. “Charlie,” he stoically greeted with a firm handshake.

“Sir. I trust the ride up went smoothly.”

Bernie harrumphed and gratefully Charlie was able to turn to his mom who approached him for a hug. Charlie tucked his nose into her shoulder, relaxing at her familiar scent. “Hi mom.”

“So good to see you, son. It’s been too long and I was tired of waiting for you to come home.”

“Come on everyone, car’s this way.”

They packed into the car and the entire ride to the doctor’s house was spent with the boys chatting away to Charlie about what they’d been up to. When they pulled up, Charlie saw Matthew’s car and inwardly groaned. He wasn’t really ready for any of this yet. 

Jean appeared on the porch waving, with Blake following close behind. The boys subdued and were very polite meeting the adults. Hands were shaken, introductions were made, and everyone was bustled into the house. Jean showed them where they’d be staying and urged them all into the living room for tea. When he could spare a moment, Charlie quietly asked Blake why Matthew’s car was there. “He let me borrow it. There was a case this morning. He’ll be by for dinner and then will drive the two of you home.”

Mrs. Beazley and Dr. Blake made valiant efforts at keeping the conversation going. When Jean had to step away to get started on dinner, Shirley, Charlie’s mother offered to help and the men could hear them chatting away in the kitchen. The boys had wandered outside to explore and get out some of their energy and Charlie was tempted to join them but didn’t want to leave Blake with his stepfather. He was saved when Bernie announced he was going outside for a smoke. “Charlie, why don’t you join me?”

Charlie and Blake shared a look but Charlie did follow Bernie outside. They went to the front of the house and could hear the boys playing along the side. Neither said anything at first until Charlie asked, “What are you doing here, Bernie?”

“Your mother wanted to see you.”

“I know that. But what are you doing here? I doubt you are here due to an overwhelming need to see your dearly beloved stepson.”

“Making sure you don’t pervert my sons.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know perfectly well what I’m talking about.”

“Enlighten me then. What makes me lesser than you?”

“The fact that you’re a bloody sod, is what!” He hissed.

“At least I don’t go around beating those who can’t defend themselves. I saw the bruises on Tommy. Your own son. You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

Bernie dropped his cigarette and fisted Charlie’s shirt in his hand. “How dare you. You’re nobody. You’re nothing. And you’ll never amount to anything.”

Charlie fought against his hold, stilling when he saw Bernie pull back, ready to strike. He braced himself for a blow that never came. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Charlie heard Matthew say. He was standing a few feet away in all his “officer of the law” glory, seemingly relaxed with his hands in his pockets, but Charlie could tell by the tightness of his lips and jaw that he was furious. 

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Bernie mouthed off.

“I’m the man who will not hesitate to arrest you for assaulting one of my officers. Now let him go.”

Just then, the door opened to reveal Shirley and Jean both with quickly dropping countenances. “Bernie, what’s going on?” Shirley asked gently. 

Bernie shoved Charlie away, practically into Matthew’s arms who easily caught him. He made sure Charlie was steady on his feet, and brought a hand up to his face briefly to be sure he was alright. At Charlie’s nod, everyone turned to Bernie again who blew past them all back into the house. 

“Charlie?” His mom gently prodded. He wasn’t sure what she was wanting, but opted to ignore what had just happened. 

“Mom, this is Chief Superintendent Matthew Lawson.”

“Yes, of course. Charlie’s told me so much about you. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

She moved forward to shake his hand and Matthew did so, albeit slowly, working to gauge both the situation and the family dynamic. The boys had come over and Charlie could tell they were awed by all the credentials on Matthew’s uniform jacket. 

“Let’s head inside, shall we?” Jean encouraged and Shirley herded her younger sons into the house. 

When they reached the porch, Matthew quietly asked Charlie, “What happened?”

“I think he was just looking to pick a fight. Maybe we both were. I’m fine,” he assured. “He just knows which buttons to push.”

Matthew gently squeezed his arm before they followed the rest into the house. Charlie trailed after his family but Jean and Matthew lingered in the entry way. “What was that all about?”

“He was being an arse, like Charlie warned.”

“Poor boy.”

Matthew murmured an affirmative and they joined the rest of the group.

 

Conversation was strained, only easing slightly once Mattie arrived home as she allowed a new conversation. Shirley had been a nurse before she married Bernie and they had much in common. Although to Charlie’s chagrin the conversation soon morphed into embarrassing stories from his childhood.

Dinner passed in much the same fashion. Charlie and Matthew ended up sitting beside each other but both were purposefully trying not to touch the other which was putting them on edge—more so than they already were. Everyone watched the evening quiz show and it seemed Bernie and Matthew had a matching appreciation for trivia. Bernie even seemed impressed by Matthew’s breadth of knowledge. When the show was over, Matthew apologized, “I’m afraid I need to head home. Ready Charlie?”

“Yeah, let me just grab my bag.”

The scowl was back on Bernie’s face, but everyone else bade them goodnight. Once in the car, Charlie heaved an exasperated sigh. Matthew reached over and squeezed his thigh, “One night down.”

Charlie gave a small smile, “Mrs. Beazley is a saint for agreeing to this.”

“That she is.”

When they walked in to Matthew’s house, Charlie asked, “Are you really going to make me stay in the guest room?”

“Of course not,” Matthew said, kissing him soundly. “But I assumed you wanted me to act like you are.”

“It’s probably for the best.”

“Do you think she’ll react badly?”

“I’m honestly not sure,” Charlie confessed. “It’s just, we never talk about the bad in my life. I think it stems from wanting to protect her. Plus...I like having her proud of me.” 

Matthew hugged him close, “I’m proud of you,” he whispered in his ear.

For whatever reason, it made Charlie shiver which in turn made him chuckle. “I’m so ready for bed,” he said, leaning more of his weight into Matthew.”

“Well come on then,” he replied. Once in bed, Matthew put an arm around Charlie, “You’re so tense.”

“I wonder why,” he snarked. 

‘Want a back rub?”

“That sounds amazing.”

Naturally the back rub escalated to more and Charlie slept much better than he’d anticipated he would. 

 

 

It was the end of the work day and Charlie was struggling to convince himself to leave his desk. He knew Mrs. Beazley was most likely holding dinner for him but he was tired of dealing with Bernie. He sensed Matthew looking at him but refused to make eye contact, knowing it wouldn’t help anything. Matthew wouldn’t be able to join them for dinner that evening and Charlie wished he could bow out too. Unfortunately, Ned had heard his family was in town and he volunteered to stay and help. 

Mattie had officially won over his family and Charlie was grateful for her efforts. When the evening concluded and Charlie prepared to leave, his mom walked him to the door. “Mattie’s such a nice girl. Have you taken her out on a date yet?”

“She’s just a friend, Mom.”

“You’d make a wonderful couple.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Oh come on, Charlie. You’re not getting any younger. It’s time for you to settle down. I want grandkids someday you know.”

Charlie gave a sad smile. “I know.”

“Are you ok? Really? You’ve seemed...not yourself.” 

“I’m fine. Really, I am.”

She wasn’t completely convinced, but let him go with a hug.

 

That night when they were in bed, Charlie told Matthew about his conversation with his mother. “I know I should tell her, I just don’t know how to.”

“How would you want to be told?”

“I suppose I’d want to be told outright, but my mom isn’t like me.”

“To be honest, I think your mom will be hurt no matter how you tell her. Maybe outright is better. I’m not sure there’s a way to ease somebody into something like this.”

“Have you told anyone in your family yet?”

“No. My only family is my sister and we don’t talk very often. Mainly just the holidays. Do you want me to be there when you tell her?”

“I don’t know. If Bernie’s there then yes, but I’m hoping we might be able to talk just the two of us.”

 

Meanwhile, down the road, Shirley was asking Mattie why they hadn’t dated yet. Mattie’s awkward response was, “I’m not his type.”

“Attractive, intelligent, kind, how is that not his type?”

Mattie looked to Jean for help who gave a barely perceptible shake of her head. “I think what Mattie means is that they’re just very good friends.”

“Friendship can easily lead to more.”

“This sounds like a conversation you should have with Charlie,” Jean encouraged.

Mercifully, Shirley dropped it.

 

The next evening, Matthew was able to join them all for dinner again which was a good thing because Charlie was on edge. Matthew helped keep him grounded. After dinner, the boys were excused to go off and entertain themselves. There was a lull in conversations and Charlie gripped Matthew’s hand in a death grip under the table. Matthew looked to Charlie concerned, eyes widening when he realized his intention. “Charlie,” he hissed, trying to get him to think it through first.

“Mom, there’s something I need to tell you,” Charlie blurted. Bernie’s face turned puce and Jean, Mattie, and Lucien made a hasty exit. 

Accepting what was happening, Matthew squeezed Charlie’s hand right back. Hoping to help, Matthew said, “Actually, we have something to tell you.”

Not sure how to read the situation, Shirley grew very concerned. “What is it, Charlie?”

His courage failed him. He looked at Matthew desperately before taking a shaky breath. “There’s a reason I haven’t asked Mattie on a date...it’s...it’s because Matthew and I,” he cleared his throat, “We’re together.”

Shirley’s confusion was evident. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m not interested in women. I never have been.”

“But you’ve been on dates before.”

“Only because its what you’re supposed to do.”

“Charlie...” Bernie warned.

“No, I want to hear what he’s trying to tell me,” Shirley asserted.

Charlie looked at Matthew again feeling somewhat hopeless. Matthew squeezed his hand again. “Mom, I’m trying to tell you that I’m homosexual.”

“Oh,” she said, looking down at her plate for a moment. Turning her gaze to Bernie she continued, “That explains a lot. And how long have you...?”

“Forever?”

“And the Superintendent is your...boyfriend?”

Charlie flushed, “For lack of a better term, yes.”

“But he’s your commanding officer?”

Charlie’s shoulders drooped, “Yes.”

“Do you love each other?”

Matthew looked at Charlie with a tender smile and answered for him, “Yes, we do.”

“Well then,” Shirley answered. “I do not profess to understand, but I’m sorry you felt you could not tell me. How many know?”

“Only the people under this roof, minus Tommy and Ray.”

“I’m going for a walk,” Bernie announced and they heard the door slam as he left.

Shirley and Charlie moved to the bedroom to continue their conversation in private because she had a good amount of questions. Charlie felt such relief at finally being able to talk to her about everything. 

The rest of them loitered in the kitchen, trying not to worry. Matthew wasn’t succeeding. With hands braced on his neck, he leaned against the counter, lacking the composure he normally had. What if Shirley convinced Charlie they shouldn’t be together? Would anything change between them?

When Bernie returned to the house, Charlie came into the kitchen, looking like he’d just run a marathon. He immediately went to Matthew, tucking himself against him, burying his head into his shoulder. “You alright?” Matthew asked softly.

Charlie nodded, not lifting his head. “Can we go home?”

Matthew kissed the top of his head, secretly please Charlie referred to his house as ‘home.’ “Of course.”

They said their good nights and exited out the kitchen door so they wouldn’t have to pass Charlie’s parents who sounded as though they were having a heated, yet whispered argument.

 

The next day, Charlie didn’t have to work and so went over to the Blake residence for breakfast. Shirley announced that they had decided to leave a few days earlier than initially planned. No one, other than Charlie’s brothers were particularly devastated. 

Since it was to be their last day, Charlie took his brothers and mom around the place he now called home. He was proud of the town and the people and was pleased when a few people stopped them to say hello. They ran into Cec outside the Club who told Shirley, “This is a good lad you’ve got, Mrs. Davis.”

Shirley smiled, not bothering to correct him, “Thank you. I am rather proud of him and I know his father would be too.”

 

The next day at the bus station, Charlie’s brothers begrudgingly got on. Joe didn’t even bother saying goodbye but his mother hugged him close. “You know, nothing is going to change, no matter what happens.”

Charlie smiled and hugged her back. A large part of him wanted to believe her, but in reality he knew their relationship would never be the same. Shirley hugged him again before running to the bus. Charlie waved as the bus pulled away and stood on the boardwalk until they turned a corner. Turning to head back to the car, Charlie saw Matthew and Hobart nearby, checking on a disturbance. Charlie wandered over to see what was going on.

“All right, Davis?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah, Boss.”

Hobart was heading back to the car when Matthew quietly asked, “still want to stay the night?”

Charlie smiled, “Yes please.”

“See you at home then.”

 

“We survived the visit with your family,” Matthew used as a conversation starter. 

Charlie chuckled awkwardly, “Barely. Bernie behaved much better than I’d expected.”

“That was better?”

“Two nights before I left Melbourne, I got home after curfew because of a case at work but he wouldn’t hear it. He thought I’d been to Brewer’s Avenue where men often frequent for—” he cleared his throat. “Anyway, he umm...nearly broke a couple of my ribs.”

Matthew stiffened, “I don’t understand why you let him hurt you. I’ve seen you take down suspects without blinking an eye or helped Hobart with someone particularly difficult. Why didn’t you just defend yourself?”

Charlie seemed to shrink in on himself, “When it started I couldn’t. Dad died when I was eight. Mom married Bernie when I was ten and the beatings started almost immediately. When he caught me and Andrew Wallace kissing I was eleven and it hurt to sit for weeks. When...” Charlie hadn’t realized he was crying yet, but Matthew’s heart was slowly breaking as Charlie’s words began being punctuated by sobs.

“When...Mr. Wilson cut me off, he used his belt and his belt buckle and he took joy in seeing me bleed. I couldn’t tell mom and I needed to live in his house and I had nowhere to go and knew if he got everything out with me, he wouldn’t hurt my mom or my brothers. I’m not there anymore to protect them and Tommy had bruises on his arm from fingers and Bernie didn’t deny it when I confronted him.”

Matthew pulled Charlie close and held him as he cried. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I didn’t know. I’m sorry my love. He can’t hurt you anymore. He has no more power over you.”

“I’m tired of being the mess,” Charlie muttered once he’d settled again.

“What do you mean?” Matthew breathed into his hair.

“You’re so put together and with it. You’re always in control and offering support. What are you doing with someone as broken as me?”

Matthew started kissing along Charlie’s neck and shoulder, “Putting you back together again. You helped me get through the whole thing with Donald McAvoy. And there have been several times you’ve made me lose control,” he teased, trying to make Charlie smile.

“That’s not what I mean,” Charlie replied with a playful shove even though he was still wrapped in his thought.

“I’ve just been around long enough that I’ve been able to develop techniques to mask my emotions. Seeing his hands on you, I wanted to break every bone in his body. When Blake called me...the night after he found out, I wanted to scream and shout and demand answers of a God I’m not sure I believe in as to why life has had to be so hard for you. Life hasn’t necessarily been easy for me, but it hasn’t been mean.”

“Why are you interested in me?”

“I thought we’d gone over this already.”

Charlie took a moment before answering, “We did.”

“Do you not believe me?”

Charlie shrugged, “I do, I just don’t understand why.”


	12. Chapter 12

Over the next few months, Matthew and Charlie slowly built up Charlie’s sense of self-worth. Without the threat of his stepfather over him, he returned to the vibrant young man he had been plus some. He was quick to laugh and smile and was even getting Matthew to loosen up some. 

Christmas was steadily approaching and Charlie knew what he wanted to get Matthew, but wasn’t sure how he’d respond. Christmas Day he was a bundle of nerves. These days, Charlie spent about half of his nights at Matthew’s and half at Blakes, keeping up appearances. The plan was the Christmas Eve Mass at the church, dinner at Blakes then then spend the night at Matthew’s. 

Charlie had insisted on decorating Matthew’s house and Matthew compromised into getting a tree but wouldn’t let Charlie go too crazy. “I don’t want the house to look like a bloody woman’s magazine.”

“But, Matthew, it’s Christmas,” Charlie pouted.

“One tree,” Matthew allowed. He hadn’t anticipated how much Charlie could get on one tree, but smiled when he saw it. “You’re ridiculous,” he complained good-naturedly.

“But you love me.”

“That I do.”

 

Charlie woke first and stared at Matthew in the early morning light. It wasn’t very long before he grew bored and started tea and breakfast. Matthew appeared, not quite awake yet, leaning against the door jam to the kitchen. “Happy Christmas,” he mumbled, rubbing his face.

Charlie came over for a quick kiss before going back to the eggs he was cooking. After eating, Charlie opted to go ahead and give Matthew his gift before he lost his nerve. “Matthew, you’ve changed my life. You’ve saved me. I never knew I could care for someone this much. I love you so much it scares me sometimes. I can’t imagine my life without you. Now, I know we can’t get married, but I do know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He pulled out a ring box from his pocket and noticed Matthew smirking. Losing his courage, Charlie asked, “What?”

Matthew took out his own ring box, “I was going to ask you the same thing. 

Charlie’s heart stuttered as he stared into Matthew’s eyes. They shared a kiss before swapping ring boxes. “I guessed your size,” Charlie said, “But if we need to change it we can.”

They both opened their boxes, unable to stop smiling. “Do you think we could get away with wearing them on our left hands?” Charlie asked. 

Matthew reached over and cupped his head, staring intently into his eyes, “Probably not, but no matter what finger we wear them on, we’ll know what they mean.”

Charlie picked up the ring he’d bought for Matthew and reached for his right hand, slipping it on his ring finger. It was a near perfect fit. “I promise to fight for you and with you, support you and love you for the rest of my life.”

Matthew did the same to Charlie, “I promise to support you when you’re down, cheer you on, help you through the bad, love   
you through the good, and let you decorate as much as you want for Christmas. I love you, Charles Davis, and even though we can’t be husbands in name or law or in anyway that anyone else considered significant, I promise love, fidelity, comfort, support, and give you my heart.”

Both men had tears in their eyes as they looked at the way the rings looked on each other. 

 

They made it to the Blake household much later than they had intended, but had a wonderful day of laughter, carols, and friendship. Charlie was helping Mrs. Beazley in the kitchen when Jean asked, “Are congratulations in order, Charlie?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I noticed the rings.”

Charlie smiled, looking at his feet, “It’s different than I’d always anticipated, but...”

“You’re happy.”

Charlie nodded and Jean wrapped him in a hug before pulling him into the living room. “Lucien, Mattie, our boys are keeping some very exciting news from us.”

Matthew looked to Charlie, eyebrows raised in question. “She saw the rings,” he explained.

“Rings?” Mattie asked.

Matthew and Charlie held up their right hands in unison and Mattie squealed hugging them both. “This calls for a toast!” Blake announced, leaving the room for glasses and champagne. 

“So what exactly does this mean for you?” Mattie asked.

“Officially, nothing. In reality, everything,” Matthew said, tucking Charlie against his side.

Charlie brought his hand to Matthew’s chest, “We haven’t really talked about all of the details, but vows were said.”

“Does it count if there were no witnesses?” Jean asked.

“It doesn’t count, probably never will. At least, not in our life times,” Charlie said. 

“It counts, Charlie,” Jean emphasized. 

“To you and to us, it counts and is a big deal,” Blake said, handing around glasses. “To my closest friend and the man who holds his heart, congratulations. May your partnership be blessed with happiness and abundance.”

“Thank you, Lucien,” Matthew said. 

Glasses were clinked and the rest of the day passed much too quickly with good company, laughter, Christmas music, and all the other Yule festivities.


	13. Chapter 13

Gradually, Charlie moved completely into Matthew’s house. Their life fell into a comfortable rhythm. Then intentionally rarely worked cases together anymore, minimizing the times others would see them together. They ended up stuck together on a case at the racetrack. Matthew heard something in a work shed and went to investigate, leaving Charlie to keep watch outside. Matthew came bursting out, “Did you see anyone?”

“No?”

Charlie followed Matthew at a jog, moving ahead to look around a corner. Matthew felt a nagging sense of dread and followed him. He saw a flash and saw a car barreling towards them. Without thinking, Matthew rushed forward and shoved Charlie out of the way, not anticipating he’d be hit instead.

Pain...excruciating pain.

“Matthew!” Charlie screamed. “Help! Someone help me!”

“Hurts,” Matthew whimpered, shouting in pain.

“I know, my love. Help is coming.” Charlie worked to stop the bleeding from Matthew’s injured leg, heart wrenching when his actions caused Matthew more pain. 

Charlie felt such relief when he saw Lucien. It was then Charlie realized something was wrong with him. They bundled Matthew off in the ambulance and Charlie dropped to his knees again. He couldn’t breathe and his vision got hazy. “Charlie!” Lucien called.

“No. Go with Matthew. Please. He needs you more.”

He could see the doctor was torn until Hobart appeared and helped Charlie.

 

They wouldn’t tell him where Matthew was. Charlie was going mad. When Mattie appeared he felt such sweet relief. “Is he ok?” He asked desperately.

Mattie nodded, “His leg is in a bad way though. Lucien’s with him and an orthopedic surgeon. They’re doing what they can. They saved the leg and they think he’ll be able to walk again but time will tell.”

“Can I see him?”

Mattie looked intentionally at the nurses who were working on him, reminding him where he was. “Mattie,” he whimpered. “I—I have his blood on my hands still.”

His hands were shaking badly. Something one of the nurses did caused him to cry out. “I’m getting a doctor,” she announced before leaving.

“Mattie, please. Please check on him for me. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Charlie. You’re hurt too and worrying about the superintendent helps nothing.”

It was too long for Charlie’s liking but finally he was able to wait in Matthew’s room with him. With three broken ribs it was hard to breathe, or sit, or stand or do anything. They were waiting for Matthew to wake up. Lucien waited in the room too. Charlie sat gingerly, spinning his ring on his finger, praying Matthew awake again. Checking to be sure no one was outside, Charlie reached out to take Matthew’s hand in his. “This must be what he went through when I was shot.”

“It’s a little different. We almost lost you and your relationship was still very much in the early stages, but yes, the anguish was there.”

Anguish sounded so melodramatic, but then again, all Charlie wanted to do was cry in relief and fear. His heart was a swirling mess and he wished more than anything that they could be open about their relationship. Charlie heard a groan and looked to Matthew hopefully. Matthew’s eyes slit open, “Charlie?”

“I’m here,” he assured.

“I’m going to be sick.”

Charlie looked to Blake alarmed. Lucien was able to grab a basin just in time for Matthew to lose the contents of his stomach. Blake explained, “This sometimes happens when they come out of anesthesia.”

When Matthew was done, he relaxed back into the bed, looking for Charlie again. “I’m here, love,” Charlie assured, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“It hurts.”

“I know.”

“Jones—” Matthew mumbled.

“What?”

“Herbert Jones was driving the car.”

Charlie looked to Blake, “I’ll go inform Hobart and let your surgeon know you’re awake.”

“Thanks, Lucien,” Matthew said.

Lucien smiled as he left. Charlie took Matthew’s hand again. “Hi,” he murmured when green eyes met his. Matthew gave him a weak smile. “What were you thinking?” Charlie asked fervently. 

“Couldn’t—let you—”

Charlie’s eyes watered, “You could have died.”

“Now you know how I felt.”

“If you weren’t in a hospital bed, I’d punch you right now.”

“You, ‘kay?”

“Three broken ribs. God I wish I could kiss you right now.”

There was a knock on the door and Charlie withdrew his hand and quickly wiped his eyes. Blake and another doctor came in to tell Matthew about what they’d had to do to save his leg. It sounded as though he’d be able to walk again, but it’d most likely be with a severe limp.

“How long is he going to have to stay in hospital?” Charlie asked.

“And you are?” The other doctor asked.

“I’m his,” he cleared his throat. “I work with him.”

“Several days at least.”

When the doctor left again, Charlie quietly asked, “They’re not going to let me stay here, are they?”

Blake responded, “I’m afraid not.”

Charlie and Matthew shared a look and Matthew comforted, “I’ll be alright, Charlie.”

Charlie sniffled, but nodded. He took Matthew’s hand again, craving whatever contact he could get. Their solitude was short lived when they heard steps in the hall. Charlie stood, painfully. He turned his back to the door while he worked to regain his composure. 

Hobart walked in, “Superintendent.”

“Sergeant,” Lawson returned.

Charlie forced himself to remain stoic and turned to nod at Bill. 

“We’ve got Jones in the cells but he continues to claim he didn’t kill Errol, but admitted to running you two down.”

“Good work, Hobart.”

“Thanks, Boss. Davis, you good to work?”

“The Doc wants me on leave.”

“Yes,” Blake butted in. “Broken ribs need to heal properly and you don’t know how to take it easy.”

“Very well. Doc, we could use your help then.”

“Of course.”

After they left, Matthew fell asleep again. Charlie sat in the room’s chair, but could not get comfortable. Gradually it escalated to an excruciating pain and he struggled to breathe. Mattie walked in to check on them and found Charlie gripping the arms of his chair with white knuckles and practically panting. “Charlie, what’s wrong?” She whispered, urgently.

“Can’t breathe...”

“You should be laying down.”

“Can’t leave him.”

Mattie sighed in exasperation, pulling a cot out of the room’s closet and quickly set it up. At the commotion, Matthew stirred, walking fully by the time Charlie laid down with a muffled cry. “Sorry,” Charlie murmured when he could breathe again. 

“I’m going to go get you some pain killers,” Mattie said before leaving.

The cot was close enough that Matthew and Charlie could touch. Matthew reached over the side of his bed and Charlie gripped his hand. 

“Alright?” Matthew asked.

“Ribs hurt. You?”

“Mercifully still pleasantly numb.”

“Love you.”

“You too.”

They both dozed off as their bodies fought to heal. Mattie came in with the pain medication for Charlie. She smiled softly when she saw them comforting each other even in sleep. She heard steps and looked to see a surgeon approaching. She rushed in and broke their hands apart, but they both slept through it. She felt exceedingly guilty, but hoped they’d forgive her. 

 

Charlie woke an hour or so later with a whimper. Blake was back and immediately offered pain meds and water, helping him sit up. “How’s he doing?” Charlie asked.

“Still asleep.”

‘Doc, is he—?”

“Time will tell, Charlie. It will be weeks before he can even attempt to put weight on it again and then we’ll go from there.”

“They’re going to force him to retire, aren’t they?”

“Probably.”

Charlie ran a hand down his face, still exhausted. “I don’t know if I can sleep without him there anymore.”

“He’ll only need to be in the hospital for a few days and then he’ll be home again. It’s not going to be easy. He’s a difficult patient.”

“Of course he is,” Charlie said good-naturedly.

“Talking ‘bout me?” Matthew mumbled, slowly waking. 

“Only because we’re worried about you,” Charlie said.

“Speak for yourself,” Lucien jibbed. “I know how stubborn you are, Lawson.”

“I’m fine,” Matthew assured, reaching for Charlie.

“We can’t, Matthew. Not here.”

Matthew dropped his hand, a sad smile marking his features at the rejection. “How long do we have to say here?”

“Well,” Lucien answered, “Charlie is free to go and will most likely be asked to leave soon. You on the other hand, at least another day or two.”

A nurse came in to check on Matthew. Before leaving, she said, “I’m sorry Sergeant, visiting hours are over.”

“Yes ma’am,” Charlie answered, subdued. The doctor left and Lucien said, “I’ll stand guard outside a moment, shall i?”

When the door shut, Charlie painstakingly bent over to press a kiss against Matthew’s dry lips. “I’ll miss you,” he whispered.

“Back tomorrow?”

“As soon as they’ll let me.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too. I’m so glad you’re alive. When I saw you land...”

“We’re both alive. We’ll be ok. Now go before they kick you out.”

In the hall Charlie found Jean talking to Lucien. “Charlie,” she greeted sympathetically. She reached to hug him but he held up a hand to fend her off, “Ribs.”

“No one told me you were hurt too,” she turned to glare at Lucien who apologized.

“I’m alright, Mrs. Beazley.”

“And Matthew?”

Charlie smiled, “He’s strong. I should get going.”

“What? Home?”

Charlie nodded.

“You shouldn’t be alone if you’re injured. At least come over for dinner. We could put you up in your old room for the night too.”

Charlie thought about refusing but he’d honestly not even thought about eating. Jean saw him waffling and said, “Lucien, we’ll need the car.”

“Of course.”

Charlie looked back in to Matthew’s room and waved goodbye when their eyes met.

 

Later that evening, Charlie made his excuses and ventured home. Jean and Lucien were talking and Jean asked, “Do you think Charlie realizes Matthew’s age is going to make recovery difficult?”

“I think Charlie sees Matthew as larger than life, infallible. This is going to be a difficult process for them both. If they do force Matthew to retire, there’s going to be a significant change in their dynamic.”

“Do you think they’ll be able to weather it?”

“I sincerely hope so. I do know they make the other better and I truly believe their love is genuine.”


	14. Chapter 14

Two weeks later, Charlie and Matthew were essentially both under house arrest. Charlie was healing faster than Matthew, but the process was slower than he’d prefer. The commissioner had indeed forced Matthew to retire and so they were currently living on his pension. 

Apparently tongues in town were wagging about the two of them. Charlie wasn’t sure Matthew knew because he hadn’t told him and he rarely went out without him. Charlie had gone to the shops for food. He had nodded at two elderly women before turning down the next aisle. He heard a snippet of their conversation: 

“—Living with the old superintendent.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Mrs. Reynolds said when she walked by one evening she saw them in the garden and they were closer than two men have any reason to be.”

“Really? The superintendent always seemed so reasonable.”

“I bet it’s that young sergeant. I always thought something was off about him.”

Charlie pretended to be unaffected as he finished shopping, but the rumors stuck with him even as he started lunch. Matthew, still wheelchair bound but able to maneuver rather well, entered the kitchen and immediately sensed something was wrong. “How was town?” He asked.

“It was fine. Uneventful.”

“The new superintendent called. Wants to know when you’ll be back.”

“Blake said at least a couple more weeks.”

“I know,” he responded, waiting a moment, but Charlie refused to make eye contact. “Curly, what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“I’m tempted not to believe you.” 

Charlie’s head and shoulders drooped, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Very well. I’m here if you change your mind.”

Charlie stewed all day but it wasn’t until they were in bed that evening that he said anything. He carefully turned on his side and used Matthew’s chest as a pillow, “People are talking in town.”

“They do that.”

“About us.”

“Ah. And that bothers you.”

“Of course it bothers me.”

“Charlie, you had to know they would eventually.”

“I—yeah. It’s just I didn’t think it would scare me again.”

“Why are you scared?”

“They can fire me, take away your pension, lock us up, separate us, hurt us.”

“It’s just talk, Charlie. They’ll never be able to make anything stick.”

“We live together, Matthew.”

“Plenty of people live together.”

“How are you so calm about all of this?”

“Because worrying is a wasted effort and I’d rather spend my energy on getting out of that bloody chair.”

“How’s your leg feeling?”

“The pain lessens a little every day.”


	15. Chapter 15

A few days later, Charlie was going stir crazy. “Can we get a dog?” He asked Matthew, hopeful.

“You want a dog?”

Charlie nodded with a big grin and his own set of puppy dog eyes, “Please?”

“What would we do with a dog?”

“It’d be good company and I could go running with it and we could play with it and cuddle with it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Charlie was almost asleep when Matthew murmured, “It wouldn’t be allowed on the bed.”

Charlie chuckled, “Deal.”

Matthew regretted his permission when Charlie appeared home the next day with a puppy. “I didn’t realize you meant now,” he complained, eyeing the black fur ball dubiously.

“Wanna hold her?”

“She going to pee on me?”

“I don’t think so. She went not too long ago.”

“What kind of dog is she?”

“Some kind of shepherd.”

“Where on earth did you get her?”

“Caxton, the vet. One of his dogs had a litter.”

“What’s her name?”

“Doesn’t have one yet,” Charlie said as he set her down on wobbly puppy legs. She started tottering around the room. When she found Matthew, she floundered over and sniffed both his chair and his shoes. He reached down to pet her and she yipped excitedly. She lightly nipped at his fingers and he chuckled.

Charlie came up behind Matthew and wrapped his arms around him, draping himself over his shoulder, “She likes you.”

“How ‘bout Roxie?”

“Hmm?”

“For her name.”

“I don’t know. What do you think little one? Is your name Roxie?”

She yipped again before getting distracted by something across the room and making her way clumsily over. “She’s going to break something,” Matthew pointed out.

“Yeah, probably.”

“She’s about to run into the lamp.”

Charlie rushed over to rescue it, “no giving Daddy heart palpitations,” he chastised.

“Do you regret not having kids of your own?” Matthew asked, struggling with sudden doubt.

Charlie looked to him with open confusion, “Do you?”

“I’d come to terms with it a long time ago, but you still could.”

Charlie came back over, depositing Roxie in Matthew’s lap and reached to massage his shoulders. “I’d much rather be with you than have a parcel of rugrats running around.”

“I bet your kids would be adorable.”

Charlie scoffed, moving away to putter with something in the kitchen. 

“No, really,” Matthew continued, “Dark curls, bright blue eyes, freckles across their nose, chubby rosy cheeks. I can picture it now.”

“Much like you, I’ve accepted that I’ll never have kids.”

 

About a month later, Charlie and Roxie came in the kitchen door after a run. She had grown so much but she had more energy than they could ever seem to get rid of. He had work in a few hours so after making sure Roxie had water he went to hop in the shower. Matthew wasn’t in the bed where he’d left him and Charlie drew up short. The chair was nearby, but there was no sign Matthew had used it. “Matthew?” He called, instantly concerned.

“In here, Curly.” Matthew was in the bathroom standing at the sink shaving. 

“What are you doing?”

“Shaving. Obviously.”

“But—how’d you get in here?”

“I hopped.”

“You...hopped...”

“Yeah. I had to get out of that chair sooner or later and my right leg is losing muscle. One step at a time, right?”

Charlie beamed at him, “Time to break out the crutches?” He asked, coming to kiss the back of his neck.

“I think so. Blake was here yesterday and he said I could start working up to it. Still minimal weight on the bad leg.”

Charlie hugged him from behind but Matthew grumbled, “You’re all sweaty.” Charlie wouldn’t let go and Matthew reminded him, “You’re going to be late and I doubt your new superintendent will appreciate it.”

“You’ll always be my Superintendent”

Matthew rolled his eyes and went back to shaving.


	16. Chapter 16

“Rose phoned today,” Matthew commented at dinner.

“Your niece?”

“Yes. Asked if there were any reporter jobs in town.”

“Really? I didn’t know she wanted to be a reporter.”

“Hmm, apparently the paper she works for has made life unbearable.”

“Think you could get Tyneman to hire her?”

“He’d see it as a favor and would ask for a return on it at some point. And that’s if he says yes.”

“You don’t think he would?”

“Hard to say with him.”

“Would she stay with us?”

“Well, now, that’s a little tricky, um. I don’t think she knows...”

“Matthew, you still haven’t told your family? It’s been almost two years.”

“I know. It just hasn’t come up.”

“In two years?”

“We don’t talk very often.”

“Well if she does come to stay with us it’s going to come out,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I should have told them already.”

Charlie didn’t say more, overcome with frustration.

“I’m meeting Tyneman for lunch tomorrow.”

“But you’ll tell Rose before she comes?”

“I promise.”

 

Charlie ran home for lunch the next day, knowing Matthew would be gone. He let Roxie out in the back yard and was leaning against the counter eating when there was a knock on the door. Mildly irritated at the interruption, he put down his sandwich and answered it. There was a young woman his age on the other side. She had red hair and bright eyes that looked familiar although currently the most noticeable thing about them was their surprise.

“Yes?” Charlie asked.

“Who are you?” The girl asked still very shocked.

“I live here, I should be asking you that.”

“You live here?”

“Yes.”

“With my uncle?”

Charlie felt the blood drain from his face, “You’re Rose.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Uh, your uncle’s in town having lunch with Patrick Tyneman. I’ll call him,” he said turning to do so.

“Are you going to let me in?” she asked, indignant as the door started to close.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Uh, come in.”

Charlie rang the number for the Club praying that was where they’d gone. “Is Matthew Lawson there?”

“Certainly sir. May I ask who’s calling?”

“Sergeant Davis.”

“One moment please.”

It seemed an eternity before Matthew picked up. “What’s wrong, Charlie?”

“Rose is here.”

“Rose? As in my niece, Rose?”

“That’s the one.”

Charlie heard him curse under his breath. “I’m almost done here. How long do you have for lunch?”

“Not long.”

“Ok, if you have to leave, that’s fine.”

“Matthew...” Charlie chastised, all of his frustration, stress, and annoyance in those two communicative syllables. 

“I know. You told me to tell her. I’ll be home soon.”

Charlie hung up and turned to find Rose standing with her arms crossed looking at him dubiously. Charlie summed their conversation, “He’ll be home shortly.”

“What’d you say your name was?”

“Charlie. Charlie Davis.”

“And you’re a sergeant.”

“Astute observation.”

“Why hasn’t my uncle told me about you?”

“You’ll have to ask him that. Tea?”

“Sure,” she replied, making herself comfortable at the kitchen table. 

Charlie started a pot before returning to his lunch. He watched the clock convinced the second hand was broken. Unable to stand the silence any longer he asked, “So you want to be a reporter?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I like being where the action is. Telling the story, recording history.”

“And you want to come to Ballarat to do that?” 

“Well, no. But I’ll be able to start making a name for myself. No one in Melbourne will let me.”

“Hmm.”

They lapsed into silence again. After another painfully awkward moment, Rose asked, “So how long have you lived here?”

“In Ballarat?”

“No. With my uncle.”

“Ah. Umm, about a year.”

Charlie was saved by a scratch at the kitchen door and was eternally grateful for Roxie’s timing. He let her in and Rose sounding surprised said, “And you have a dog. Uncle Matthew hates dogs.”

Charlie chuckled, “He thought he did, but Roxie’s got him wrapped around her paw.”

Rose held out a hand in greeting but Roxie hid behind Charlie with a nervous yip. “You’re fine, baby,” Charlie persuaded. “Go say hello.”

Roxie whined but slowly crept forward when Rose slid off her chair to crouch down on her level. The tea kettle began whistling and Charlie prepared a quick tray. Glancing at the clock he realized he needed to leave soon. Roxie and Rose were tentatively getting to know each other and Charlie was prepared to leave when Matthew walked in. Charlie felt such relief. “I have to head back,” he said instead of offering a greeting.

“Thanks, Curly. Hi, Rose.”

“Uncle Matthew!” She came and hugged him.

“I wasn’t expecting you, was I?”

“No. I know, I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t realize it’d be a problem.”

“Not a problem, just a surprise.”

“I really need to go,” Charlie repeated.

“Right,” Matthew replied. “Home for dinner?”

“Should be.”

Without thinking, they did what they always did when parting: quick hug with a peck on the lips. Charlie’s eyes widened as they separated, instantly panicking but didn’t have the time to worry. He grabbed his hat and left without looking back.

Matthew closed his eyes with a grimace before opening them again to look at his niece. Rose’s mouth was hanging open. Bloody hell. “Rose, I—”

“Charlie doesn’t just live here, does he?”

Matthew plopped into a chair to take the weight off his bad leg. With a sigh he replied, “No.”

Rose sat too, taking the time to prepare herself a cup of tea. After a sip she said, “I had no idea that—” she cleared her throat. “Charlie said he’s been living here about a year.”

“That’s right.”

“To be honest, I don’t entirely understand. You’ve dated women before haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“But now you’re dating Charlie?”

“We’re not just dating, Rose. I consider Charlie my husband.”

Rose choked on the tea she’d just attempted to swallow. When she could breathe again she asked, “Does Mom know?”

“No.”

“Were you ever going to tell us?”

“Yes, of course. It was just never the right time.”

“This is why you didn’t come to Melbourne for Christmas this year. In a whole year, there wasn’t time to pick up the phone?”

“Technically, we’ve been together longer than a year.”

“Not helping your case. You have to tell mom.”

“Do you really think telling her will make her more ok with you moving out here?”

“She’s your sister. She’s not going to care.”

“Have you met your mother?”

“Touché.”

There was a lull while Matthew prepared a cup a for himself. “I spoke with the owner of the Courier today.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I called in a favor. He wants to meet you and see some of your work of course.”

Rose squealed and hugged him. 

“Now, I’ll need to talk with Charlie and work out the details, but I’m sure you could stay here until you get on your feet. But you have to understand our life needs to stay private. Very few people know and if the wrong people find out they could ruin Charlie’s career.”

Rose screwed her nose, “Do I have to call him Uncle Charlie?”

Matthew laughed in spite of himself. “I don’t think he’d know what to do if you did.”

“No offense, but what do you see in him? I wasn’t all that impressed myself.”

“You just caught him off guard. He’s—he’s a great man once you get him out of his shell.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”


	17. Chapter 17

Several years later they were celebrating Rose’s marriage to their own Danny Parks. He’d come back to Ballarat and the two had fallen in love. Charlie and Matthew were sitting at a table at their reception, watching the happy couple in the middle of the dance floor with family and friends around them. Both Charlie and Matthew had danced with Jean, Mattie, Alice, and Rose but had managed to avoid the hopeful eyes of the eligible ladies in attendance. 

“Why don’t the two of you dance together?” Rose had suggested. Both men looked at her to see if she’d taken leave of her senses. “It’s the 60s, people are becoming more open minded every day.”

“Not in Ballarat.” Matthew said.

“And not in the police force,” Charlie put in.

They left as soon as they could civilly bow out and both were very happy to make it home. They’d definitely become homebodies. 

They had settled in for the night and Charlie was drifting to sleep when he said, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Matthew replied looking up from his book and peering at him over his reading glasses. “Where’d that come from?”

“I’m just really happy. And that’s because of you. I’m so grateful I get to spend the rest of my life with you. And I don’t tell you enough.”

Matthew leaned over and kissed him, “I’m happy too.”


	18. Chapter 18

Fifteen years later

Charlie watched intently as Matthew’s chest rose and fell with assistance from a breathing machine. Their twenty-fifth anniversary was in a couple weeks, but Charlie wasn’t sure Matthew would make it. It had been so hard, watching Matthew gradually decline in recent years. The stroke last year had really been the final straw. Matthew had started coughing a few days before and then a fever set in. The doctors were saying it was pneumonia. And it was bad.

Matthew had been ornery about going to hospital, but when he’d fallen, Charlie insisted. Now he wished they’d come sooner. Then maybe...

His eyes watered and he made himself take a deep breath. Matthew looked like he was in so much pain and Charlie wished he could take it on himself. There was a noise at the door and looking up he saw Rose with one of her sons who was almost grown now. “Hi Uncle Charlie,” she greeted with a sad smile and her boy, named for Matthew came and gave Charlie a quick hug. “How is he?” She asked.

Charlie looked down and shook his head, “They don't think he’s going to make it. They’re not even sure he’s going to wake up again. They had to induce a coma.”

Rose brought a hand to his shoulder but Charlie couldn’t look at her. He was afraid he’d lose his composure if he did. “Boss?” He heard from the doorway.

Charlie had worked his way up to Superintendent of the Ballarat police and Danny Parks was Chief Inspector under him. He had become his right hand man and a dear friend. Charlie stood and shook his hand before Danny greeted his wife and son. 

“Excuse me,” Charlie said suddenly, leaving the room to go outside. He needed fresh air. He made his way to the garden and sat on a bench, head in his hands. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. It hadn’t been long enough. 

He heard heels approaching and looked up seeing Jean and Lucien. “Oh, Charlie,” she said as soon as they were close. “We just heard. How is he?” 

Charlie shook his head, getting choked up again. “He’s in a bad way.”

Jean reached and wrapped her arms around him. Charlie returned the embrace. One sob escaped and then they wouldn’t stop. He felt Lucien pat his back in comfort but nothing would calm the fear. Sure, Matthew had been in the hospital before, but this time, with no hope, Charlie wished he could curl up and die with him.

“Uncle Charlie!” He heard young Matthew call. The three of them looked up. “Uncle Matthew’s awake.”

Charlie took off at a jog, wishing he hadn’t left the room. Matthew was trying to fight the nurses but he was still too weak to do anything productive. When he saw Charlie, he relaxed slightly, eyes begging for everything to stop. Charlie came and gripped his hand, gently stroking against his forehead. He made soft shushing noises, “I’m here, Boss. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Matthew relaxed back against his pillows and took in his audience. Seeing everyone there with their somber expressions he was able to grasp the severity of his condition. He looked to Charlie, sadness evident, fighting with guilt too.

“Why don’t we give them a moment,” Jean offered, ushering everyone out.

When they were alone, Matthew rasped out, “That bad?”

“Oh, Matthew. You woke up. That’s more than the doctors were expecting. They don’t know you like I do, stubborn bastard.”

Matthew huffed with an attempt at a chuckle. “Sorry, Curly.”

“Whatever for?”

“Leaving.”

Charlie’s eyes teared again as he smiled at him tenderly. “I have no choice but to forgive you, right? I just wish I could go with you.”

“No, you have to go on. For both of us now.”

“How?” Charlie asked on a suppressed sob, “You’re my world.”

Matthew struggled to reach for Charlie’s hand and Charlie met him part way. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Matthew started coughing violently and the machines he was hooked up to started going haywire. Nurses rushed in, pushing Charlie out of the way. Charlie looked on from the corner of the room. He brought his hands to his head, elbows out, feeling absolutely useless. 

By the time they were able to leave again, Matthew was unconscious. His breathing had a rattling quality to it now. The Blakes and the Parks all peeked in long enough to check on the pair of them and said their goodbyes, assuring Charlie they would be back to visit on the morrow.

As the sun set, Charlie took Matthew’s left hand in his. He nostalgically looked at Matthew’s wedding band. About five years earlier they had decided to move their bands from their right to left hands as homosexuality began being talked about more prevalently. After Matthew’s stroke, they’d also rewritten their wills. The pair of them had been lucky. The high-ups of Ballarat such as the Tynemans had opted to look the other way since the pair of them had such an influence in town. Their lifestyle wasn’t exactly accepted, but they weren’t ostracized for it either. All things considered, their life together had been wonderful.

Charlie really had no right to complain but it felt so unfair. Their age difference had always meant their time together would be shortened but Charlie never thought it would come so soon. Someone came into the room, “Superintendent, I’m afraid visiting hours are over.”

“Please don’t make me leave”

“Are you related to Mr. Lawson?”

“I’m his...next of kin.”

They seemed to understand more was involved, “Very well.”

Charlie wasn’t able to fall asleep. He was too preoccupied watching Matthew’s chest rise and fall. Any time there was a pause in the rhythm of his breathing, Charlie’s heart broke a little more.

Jean was there first thing in the morning with a thermos of tea and some scones, but Charlie couldn’t stomach the idea of food. “How is he?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I can’t tell, but I don’t think it’ll be long. He’s having more and more trouble.”

Charlie looked exhausted but resolute. His eyes were dry and his face stony. His friends all took turns, sitting with him. Someone brought him a book and Charlie started reading it aloud for Matthew. It was dinner time and they were alone again. Charlie had paused in his reading to drink some tea. Matthew’s eyes slit open, instantly finding Charlie, “Curly—”

“Shh, Matthew,” he urged, coming to grip his hand.

“Scared...”

“I know, but it’ll be ok.”

“You...”

“I’ll be ok too,” he assured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Love...you...”

“Oh Matthew. I love you too.”

Matthew’s breath rattled in his chest, but after his final exhale, the silence was deafening. The machines started beeping, but Charlie didn’t hear them. “Matthew? Matthew! No...” he ended on a whimper.

A nurse and Lucien both came in. The nurse saw to the machines while Lucien checked Matthew’s pulse. Lucien’s countenance dropped, and he checked his watch, “Time of death 6:03PM”

Charlie felt his lip trembling and couldn’t control it.

“Charlie,” Lucien said gently, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

Charlie shrugged him off, “Please, I can’t. Not here.”

“You’ve just lost your husband. You’re allowed to express your grief.”

The permission was all it took for Charlie to come undone. The nurse hastily took her leave and Lucien did his best to support Charlie as he collapsed. Charlie slid all the way to the floor, hands pulling at his graying hair as sobs wracked his body. Gradually, he came down, but he shut down too, staring at a spot on the wall across from him. He heard movement around him but was unaware of what was happening and unable to process his surroundings. Someone crouched down into his vision and Charlie made himself focus on Rose’s face. The pity he saw there made his stomach turn. “Charlie?” She asked gently. “Would you like his ring?”

Somehow Charlie was able to nod. A nurse appeared with an outstretched fist and when Charlie held out his hand she gently dropped the ring into his palm. Matthew’s fingers were wider than his so it didn’t fit Charlie, but the thought of it going in the ground with him just didn’t feel right. Lucien reached down and helped Charlie to his feet. They’d removed the wires and tubes and moved Matthew so it looked like he was sleeping. Charlie came to him and fixed his hair, before kissing his temple again. “Goodbye my love,” he murmured. “‘Til we meet again.”


End file.
